50 MUST-ASK Questions Before Marriage

50 MUST-ASK Questions Before Marriage

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Emily Wilson.

How many children do you wish to have?
What is your timeline for having children?
Have there been any marriages you’ve witnessed that shape your view of marriage, either positively or negatively?
Is being close to extended family important to you?
What are your political priorities and hot-button issues that you are passionate about?
What are the things your parents did well that you want to replicate in your marriage – and not-so-well that you wish to avoid in your marriage?
How do you view the role and parameters of OUR parents in our relationship and with any future children we would have?
Do you have debt? How much? Do you have savings? How much?
What is your credit score?
What are your financial priorities and do you want to have a joint bank account or separate bank accounts?
Who do you expect to handle the actual act of paying bills?
How much do you foresee it being ok to spend without consulting your spouse?
What is your plan for home security? Are you ok with having guns in the house?
Do you expect your wife to be a stay at home mom? Would you be ok with me working, even if we have children?
How will holidays look with our families?
What customs or traditions do you want to include in your marriage/family, especially if these are from childhood?
Where do you want to live?
Would you ever be okay with moving?
What is your relationship with your father like?
What do you think about fatherhood and what are your expectations for it?
What kind of parent do you hope to be?
How are you planning on providing for your family?
How are you going to educate your children? i.e. Public vs. private school?
What faith do you wish to raise your children in?
How do you view NFP? Is it something you are willing to practice forever and always?
What are your health/eating habits?
Has sexual intimacy been a part of your previous relationships?
What do you want to do if we can’t have children?
How did your previous relationships end?
Have you ever cheated on someone?
Have you ever been violent toward a past girlfriend or to anyone in your life?
How was conflict handled in your house growing up and what kinds of things would create conflict?
In regards to truth or difficult situations – Were things buried? Were things confronted?
Were there things or topics that were not talked allowed to be talked about in your house?
(This is if his mother is living and a part of his life) If I ever express to you that your mother does something to upset me, crosses boundaries that we set for her, is being overbearing upon me or our potential children, what would you do?
How did your parents treat you and your siblings? Was there abuse?
How do you like to be supported?
Do you use pornography or engage in masturbation? How often?
How do you manage your emotions? Are you good at understanding them? Do you suppress them or bottle them up?
How will we deal with aging or ill parents? Is there an expectation that they will ever live with us?
What are your specific expectations when it comes to household chores and housework, cooking, cleaning, etc?
Are you open to going to couples counseling before and/or during marriage, not only to identify problems, but to learn about how we can communicate most fruitfully?
What do you expect of a spouse in times of sickness or suffering?
What is your view on vacations – would we take them, how often?
Describe to me in your own words what it means to have a personal relationship with Christ and how do cultivate your own with Him?
When God’s word says to love your wife as Christ loves the Church, please explain what this means to you.
What would you do if your child had a disability?
What is your love language?
What are the expectations for us having friends of the opposite gender?
What is your life goal/at the end of your life what do you hope to have accomplished?


  1. I have been talking to my boyfriend for about a year. It took us a year to say I love you to each other. He had MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR walls up. He wouldn’t say good morning, he wouldn’t text me unless I texted him, he didn’t like being emotional WHAT SO EVER. It took me a entire year to gain his trust and show him he can trust me and I will never ever ever leave him no matter what, and I embrace every single one of his flaws with everything I have in me, and that he doesn’t have to worry about ever getting his heart broken like he has in the past with girls who left because he has a thing where, when he gets anxious he can’t perform in bed, meaning, getting erect. So he refrains from having it all together even though he wants to, he’s too scared of being judged and left. It took a long time to convince him I will NEVER judge him. So just a week ago we said I love you to one another and he is taking me on a special trip to Dallas (7 hours away). He is my everything, and me for him now. He not only says good morning, but constantly is showing his love for me. He even helps me do my job sometimes, which is social media promoter haha. I have finally broken down all those walls that he has up. He is very very very VERY very manly type. He’s 6”3 and looks like a literal lumberjack with a beard and shaved head. Haha, so you could probably imagine what love language he has. He cringes when he says I love you to me, but I know it’s because he is NOT the lovy dovy type so I know him saying that means ALOT, cause he doesn’t even say it to his own mother when he says goodbye. He’s getting better at it. I know any other girl would have left him a LONG time ago. But I just love him SO much it’s unbelievable. Anyway, I don’t know where I was going with this comment, but yeah, I just wanted to say that I know every single one of those questions about him and I think he’s going to propose to me in Dallas, so wish me luck! ☺️

  2. I love this thanks for sharing! Can I add another? On the topic of marriage lasting forever I would ask “how do you feel about divorce?”

  3. Is also a good list for guys to review, and to make a mirror of.

    I especially love the Relationship with Jesus question.

  4. It was really nice to realize I actually know answers to many of the questions in my relationship already. And even nicer to see that we still have areas of our lives we need talked through. 🙂
    However, I recon with a lot of these one can never be sure about themselves until the time comes (disabled children, ill parents, extended family conflicts etc.) So in the end it’s always a question of trust in your partner, and in God. 🙂

  5. Wow! Thank you for these! You validated my assertion that the MOST important question is about children 😄 It is your #1 question and mine too! Keep posting because you kept it 100% REAL!

  6. Thank you so much for all these really great and helpful questions! And thank you for taking the time to write them down as well! I want to share them with friends and some of them don’t speak English. So you saved me the time that I would need to write them down myself and then translating them.

  7. There’s possibly only one observation you need to make (not even a question) when determining who you should marry. Are the parents of the potential bride/groom still married in their first marriage and do they treat each other with love and respect. That’s all.

  8. These are issues that make pre-marital counseling a VERY wise choice. Work out these questions with an objective third party professional who can help you weigh their importance. A lot of great questions here to seriously ponder.

  9. Engaged and know the answer to all of these. It’s so important to really get to know your partner!

  10. 27, 28 & 29!!!! Huge hitter questions. All Q’s are great btw! But I think those 3 questions depending on how they are answered would be the deal breaker/deal maker for me 👍

  11. Other questions to ask:
    1. How do you expect tasks at home to be divided
    2. What are your professional/academic goals and how will that be a priority in your life over other aspects (i.e. the relationship, children, quality time etc.)
    3. What will happen if someone can’t or won’t find a job for a long period of time

  12. What I learned from the dysfunctional marriage of my parents – topics you should discuss beforehand (in no particular order of importance). Politics, finances, lifestyle, religion, children, physical intimacy, gender equality, house work, physical and mental health, in-laws and extended family. No topic should be taboo and always remember that you are a team, work together. Love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, support and mutual trust must be the pillars of your relationship. Anger, pettiness and jealousy are toxic. Grow together as you age. Be each other’s best friend. Never forget your vows, love is not a choice, but marriage is. For better and worse.

  13. I appreciate that you note that although you are catholic and some of these are related to your specific faith or religion in general, you realize other women have different beliefs and their souls are all on different paths and openly say they are welcome to skip or modify them. I also appreciate how you don’t give the answers YOU think should be given but acknowledge these topics are important and it’s more important for two people to have the same beliefs then be made to feel like they should have the same stance as you or your partner. I am not on the same religious path as you, but I think your love for god and the sacredness of your marriage and love is beautiful and also respect that you still are a strong, opinionated woman, who strives to help other women and aren’t quick to judge those with different beliefs. People like you make others more open to religion, and faith and more willing to listen, and respect those with your or similar faith, and even decide to accept it into their life or be “saved”, so please keep doing what you do

  14. Before asking these questions, pray for discernment because a dishonest man will tell you everything you want to hear.

  15. Ladies, these are great questions to ask! However, be prepared to be asked them in return. Some of these are very important to us guys who seek after the Lord, too!

  16. Another good one is: Who should come first, your spouse or your kids? And what does that mean to you?

  17. Emilyy, where is the list of questions in the comments? I cant find it anywhere and it was just here the other day 🙁

  18. If someone was unfortunate enough to have abuse in their family growing up, and they didn’t have a good example of marriage in their family, do you think that they can still marry and relate to someone who didn’t deal with those things? I’ve thought about this some, because I had to cut off contact with my dad. It’s not my fault that he was abusive, and I’ve done my absolute best to rise above it. A lot of people can’t understand because they had good fathers, and they think all dads have that fatherly love burried inside, but they don’t all. Cutting off contact with my dad is the healthiest thing I’ve ever done for myself, but it kind of hurts that some people are turned away by a person with bad family relationships. I do feel like I’d be slower to trust that a guy truly loved me because of this; just being honest… but I’m aware of the ways my dad has effected me, and I focus on growing and learning from my experiences.

  19. I don’t know… why … but my mind went straight to the quick little questionnaire time they do in the Walking Dead when they meet new people… How many walkers have you killed/how many people have you killed, etc. I mean… maybe those questions are necessary in todays dating/engagement game hahaha because if he hesitates when you ask ‘how many people have you killed’ … that’s not a super solid start to a relationship 🙂 lol

  20. Asking many questions seems like a good idea, but what’s more important than Q&A session is the couple’s capabilities of working things out, building trust, and having faith in each other. Even after 50 questions are answered correctly, and you get married, there will be a new set of troubles in life that is going to affect the marriage, and without knowing how to talk it out in a real sense, the marriage is not going to have any substance. In marriage, questions and answers are not the most appropriate ways to communicate with each other. What matters is where your heart is, and not necessarily where your mind is.

  21. The most important question is missing however:
    Who do you love most? If his/her answer is Jesus Christ, myself,then you…..,than you just got a go ahead. 😀

  22. All questions important enough to ask, but questions for which most do not want answers so hardly any will ask them — hence the "date" phenomenon which is used more to facilitate the using of the other person for the "benefits" without the genuine "commitment" marriage demands.

  23. Great list! I don’t know my answer to some of these questions and That is something I’m probably going to do now.

  24. It really hit me when you mentioned settling because you feel like you won’t find anyone else if you leave this one. I’m roughly three weeks post-breakup and just now able to really feel like there’s someone better out there for me, even though I’ve known it all along. It’s so hard to have found someone who seemed so close to perfect and have to walk away from that. I know God has someone waiting for me who’s truly perfect for me, not just close to it, and watching your videos for years has been a big part of helping me understand that, so thank you!!

  25. I imagined what it would be like if I had to answer all these questions and that was one intense journey!! I mean I knew all these things mattered but hearing them asked out loud just elevated them to a whole new level. Love it Emily!! Thanks for shaking me up haha

  26. I witness way too many marriages where some of these questions don’t come up until the last minute. These are important topics and not being on the same page can put a real strain on the relationship.

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