Adult Children of Divorce: 10 Surprising Facts Parents Might Not Know – Karen Covy
When we go through a divorce with young children we get coached and maybe even have to take classes on how to help our kids through this time. My guest today Karen Covy is a brilliant lawyer that gets this but has looked one step further to look at the effects on the adult children of divorce. With the divorce rate of people over 50 on the rise we often forget the effects on our adult kids.
Here is the link to Karens article that I feel in love with – https://karencovy.com/adult-children-of-divorce/
Karen Covy As fate would have it, divorce cases are exactly what kept coming to me. People were in trouble. Their marriages were ending and they wanted to get through their divorce without destroying their lives. But, they didn’t know how.
When I did, what I saw shocked me. I saw a divorce system that was expensive, inefficient and counter-productive – a system that hurt, rather than helped, families.
As a relative outsider to the system, I could see it didn’t make sense. But, as one person, I wasn’t able to change it.
So, instead, I decided to try to help the divorcing people in the system get smarter. I helped them learn to use the system, rather than let the system use them.
I tried to help people get divorced differently.
That’s what I’ve been doing ever since.
Karen Covy, Divorce Coach and Attorney Helps You Get Ready for Divorce
Hi! My Name is Tracy A. Malone, founder of Narcissist Abuse Support and I’m here to help! 🙂
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All statements made in this video are expressions of the opinion of the speaker, and should be regarded as such. The video is made to serve a therapeutic purpose for the speaker or speakers and to assist others in recognizing and dealing with matters in their own lives which they believe may be similar.
I’m a survivor of Narcissistic abuse and my goal with this channel is to educate other “victims” as they transition to becoming a “survivor”. I believe that education is our best way to heal, and the best way to not become a victim or supply to another narcissist.
Please note: I am not a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist or coach so use this information as my own personal journey of healing and the information that has been shared with me by friends, other YouTubers, groups and community. This video is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition, if you believe you or a loved one is suffering from narcissistic abuse please use seek any help from your community.
Want to see more?
Narcissists Cheat – Look for these signs & protect yourself – https://goo.gl/9CBrHd
Protect Yourself Against the Revenge of a Narcissist | Protect –
https://goo.gl/Tzxt6b
Dear Next Supply of my Narcissist – https://goo.gl/an9Fmy
Narcissists Gift Giving | Red Flag – https://goo.gl/XseVHw
FaceBombing – How a Narcissist Uses Facebook | Red Flag – https://goo.gl/c73GRS
Narcissist Discard Phase | Revenge or peace – https://goo.gl/nsrwy4
Narcissist Lies – Liar – https://goo.gl/uxT6B9
Were you FINANCIALLY ABUSED by a narcissist? – https://goo.gl/8LKkQk
How to Get Revenge on a Narcissist – https://goo.gl/V5Quy7
Narcissism Social Media – https://goo.gl/VsCmp8
im 33 and my mom divorced my dad when i was 3 then a year later my mom dated my step dad for 6 weeks then they got married and i live in another state but i just found out on sunday that my mom and step dad got a divorce and im left to process this on my own i was not told until after they were divorced not knowing how to feel i just know im in shock on top of it all i went to 3 divorces and 3 long term relationships with real dad and had to play the middle man with his ex wives and ex girlfriends
My parents divorced when I was eight it deeply affected me especially when my mom picked her new husband over me and yes she told me she would never pick me over him then my dads toxic too
What a great video. This is so true. Parents forget that the separation or divorce is happening to their kids too. They get wrapped up in the divorce and they dont offer a little comfort to their kids who are hurting too.
This is a very helpful video for myself, a 19 year old girl healing from a second parental divorce 7 months after finding out it was even happening. I went through the first one at 4 and that one was dust under a rug, nothing compared to what I’m going through now. Thank you.
BTW, the adult child wonders if all they believed in was a total illusion! You will be damaging their trust in what they believed to be real. You’re pulling the rug from beneath them. This will affect any future grandchildren the adult child may have, etc. Selfish baby boomers, can’t stand them. Most narcissistic generation that ever lived.
बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद 🙏🙏 गुरु जी आपने मुझे मेरे खोए हुए प्यार 👩❤️💋👨 से वापस मिला दिया किसी भी फ्रेंड को कोई समस्या है तो इन गुरु जी से हेल्प लीजिए गुरु जी का नंबर+91-9511523454
1) How the divorce affect the child individually from the child point of view, not from the parents?, 2) The children’s never asked to be born, parents had choices, how the parents explain the kids what each parent did to have a successful marriage and what’s the example for the kids from the parents, in order for the kids to know what to do to have a successful marriage themself?, 3) Where is the conversation to the kids about commitment and making a decision as adults, to follow through on their decisions regardless of feelings?
People are so selfish & self centered now
Not everything that is on this talk is applicable to everyone.
My parents have been divorced since I was young. This has been so painful all my life. Am now 23yrs old. I have anxiety attacks from time to time, self esteem problems, problems with socializing and depression at least 3 times in 2months. When I was young I never used to experience this. It’s more now when am an adult. So much fear to deal with.
I hope I heal from this one day
As an adult child facing the demise of my parents 43 year marriage i found this video very helpful. I just wondered how do we react where it was evident there was physical and emotional abuse going on for years, which my mother is simply to old to deal with anymore. How do I react to my father in this situation, am i supposed to forgive him? what do i do in such a situation
One side effect of mass divorce: it leaves the younger generation cynical and thinking that marriage is a joke. Its really sad.
Marriage is dead, when will people realize this.
Very important. Nice. Thank you for your empathy and awareness.
ass hole
You just lost me with your second divorce statement .Poor kid with someone who thinks that marriage is as a grocery store.
My parents got divorced recently.I’m now 22 years old.It’s my father’s decision.I’m the the eldest daughter with a sister of 19 years age.Though it’s a very tough time for both of us as well as for my mother , but we are trying to be normalize our life as much possible.My father doesn’t even talk to me and my sister.part of my heart hates him for his behaviour with us,but part of it still loves him.I always thought that everything will become alright,but it happend.It also affected my mom’s mental health and our study badly.I was a good student previously,but now I cannot concentrate on my study even after knowing that exam is knocking at the door. Don’t know when will we be able to forget him completely like him forgetting us.
My dad just left my mom today after 51 years of marriage. He’s been sad for years and tried to make it work. Already my brother is siding with my mom and stopped talking to my dad, and my mom is trying to attack me for not hating on my dad. Such a nightmare already and it’s only day one.
Thank you so much. 27 and don’t through this and it’s by far the hardest thing I’ve went through in my life.
Hi Tracy do you remember me? I stiill sometimes watch your channel. Could you please watch Evening Ransom narcissist channel? Last 2 videos she has made about 2 coaches on you tube she went to a meet up with them in Mexico recently. I have known these 2 coaches are toxic for a while i had to tell the man to leave me alone or i would report him he left me alone after that. David and Kim are the coaches im not saying there second names. Please watch videos need your help thankyou Karen.
I just found out today. Mom decided to leave, not only is she leaving my stepdad of 17 years of marriage, she’s leaving the country too. My stepdad is selling the family home and it feels like I’m re-living the first divorce from when I was five years old, but worse.
Wow that was so informative….I’ve recently separated from my husband and my adult male children are very angry at me…since I initiated this…after 39 yrs…this information was very helpful….so thank you
So I’m 31 and my parents have recently separated. The situation is a bit complicated but I feel so lost. I’m currently engaged to the love of my life and I’m worried that if I go down this path and really engage with my parents I might fall apart and endanger my current relationship. The thing I’m worried about is if I don’t address the separation my parents are going through, it will damage my own ability to parent down the road… I’m so confused right now with what to do
My parents go divorced when I was 14.
i still treat them like the scum they are.
For some people the divorce just came way too late. My parents didn’t protect us before or after.
2nd divorce. You never thought about your child. You obviouly only think about yourself
This is excellent. Thank you!! As a child of divorce and a mom of two young kids and now divorced myself I see the impact. I’d love to hear about the impact of the “second family.” The new marriage with step children and biological children…feeling cast aside as the divorced parent remarries and starts a whole new family.
This happened to me and my brothers at a young age and that pain is still there. Our dad’s second batch of kids are his “real kids” and the three of us always felt like we were the mistakes. His wife got pregnant and we were excluded from traditions like summer camping vacations that were the one thing we looked forward to with our dad. The one way to really get to know him. So tough. And it got worse as we got older. He took “his family” to Disney every year and never gave thought about how that would make us feel. He even complained about contributing to my very low in state college tuition ($2K annually) because “he wouldn’t be able to take his family to Disney” …this coming from a man who revered education. Of course, the message I got was my education and future mattered less than his family trip.
When he died we heard tale after tale of how our dad was “there” for his second wife’s family including her adult brother’s and sisters. He was the one they called in times of need. I sat there mourning his loss and discovered he took her youngest sister, same as me, to a father daughter dance when she was 12. Meanwhile, I’d never spent even 30 minutes alone with my father. He never attended any of mine or my brothers events or sports games. Boy did that sting. He wasn’t there for us but was 1000% present for all these other people in his new life.
If you’re reading this contemplating the right thing to do, please don’t do that to your kids if you start over. Include your original children and let your “new” kids know that your kids will always be your kids.
He saw us around Christmastime and during the summer but we felt like distant relatives or acquaintances, never immediate family.
And yeah, maybe you’re thinking I should be over it by now but it’s Christmas and all the memories are flooding back. Clearly I’m not. My parents are both deceased so our family structure has to be rebuilt and that takes time. I’ve heard from multiple friends experiencing the same sense of loss and painful memories. We all have our stuff that creeps up and hijacks our emotions from time to time.
I actually googled this topic for my children, to help them through a rough time with the back and forth between homes. The impact of these things is long lasting and no big checks or pile of gifts can remove the feeling of being a cast off.
That was so good for me to hear!!! I’m 51 w/ 2 adult children whom I Love and I’m also just beginning my divorce journey! I’m really scared of damaging my kids or our relationship!!!
बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद 🙏🙏 गुरु जी आपने मुझे मेरे खोए हुए प्यार 👩❤️💋👨 से वापस मिला दिया किसी भी फ्रेंड को कोई समस्या है तो इन गुरु जी से हेल्प लीजिए गुरु जी का नंबर+91-9511523454
Something that I internalized at 17 when my parents divorced was that I was unlovable. If half of me is mom and half me is dad, and they both hate each other, they each must hate half of me. They would deny this of course, but this is the logic we struggle with, and is very difficult to overcome no matter what they said. My peace came through becoming Christian and knowing I am loved deeply by the one who truly created me. That has been the only salve for me, and I am now in my late 50’s.
Fuck, i WISH my parents would have stayed together just until I graduated. No guilt would be felt at all, they owe it to their child, divorce is selfish
My parents’ divorce was finalized earlier this year. With the holiday season in full swing, I am having a hard time trying to divide my time between the two sides of my family. An affair tore my parent’s marriage apart and unfortunately I was home from college when the truth came out. Since no one else knew about this up until their separation, I was the emotional support for the both of them and it has torn me apart. While I love my parents, I have a lot of emotional turmoil caused by being in the middle of their marital issues and being basically a marriage counselor for 8 years until they decided to separate.
My brother was completely out of the loop and my parents made it known they did not want my brother to know anything and it was also advised by my mom’s therapist that we didn’t tell him. So he was completely blindsided by the divorce. My brother now has a very weakened relationship with both of my parents.
My parents still talk to each, but are in relationships with other people. However I feel like my entire perception of healthy relationships is completely skewed and any hope I had in relationships is gone. I find myself self sabotaging my own relationships.
Not only has this divorce caused so much emotional pain, it has caused great financial strain on my mom specifically and myself as well. I lived with my mom for a while to help make ends meet and I’ve had to step up and assist as she is in bad health and cannot run her business anymore. It’s exhausting.
Recently, my father has expressed to my mom he is feeling regrets about divorcing her not even a year after their legal separation.
I’m very emotionally exhausted, financially strained, and trying to balance boundaries with my parents, but being a supportive daughter.
This video and the article hit the nail on the head. Thank you for spreading awareness about the reality of adult children of divorce.