Divorce after 50: Did You Get Blindsided? What Men Need to Know Before It's Too Late!
Did you get blindsided by divorce after 50? You’re not alone. Feeling blindsided by a request for divorce is a common feeling expressed by men who “just didn’t see it coming.” But while a man may be shocked by the news, it doesn’t mean there weren’t plenty of warnings. Relationship Coach Darrell Gurney, author and founder of The Back Forty, shares his personal and professional perspective on why men get blindsided, and what men need to know before it’s too late to save the marriage.
Along with partner Alexandra Levin, Darrell Gurney is the co-founder of The Back Forty, a platform and community dedicated to helping others make their second half the best half of life. To learn more about Darrell, Alexandra and The Back Forty, click here: https://thebackforty.com/
To get Darrell’s free e-books to help you move with strength, certainty, and purpose in your second half of life, click here: https://thebackforty.com/free
For an article with great perspective on why men get blindsided, click here: https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/family-relationships/the-biggest-sign-of-divorce-men-never-see-coming/ar-BBU7JdC
For more videos with Darrell and Alexandra, click here: https://2ndact.tv/expert/darrell-w-gurney/
2nd Act TV is a resource full of motivation, inspiration and information for men and women over 50! Our content is focused on helping you get the most out of your 2nd half of life.
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I love what your doing with your YouTube channel.💯
Don’t agree at all.
I’m was blind side also. I would have done anything for my wife. But Jesus christ. Men aren’t mind reader. And after 20 years. If you haven’t got what you want. How about being freaking direct and just tell him
Women file for divorce because they get bored if marriage and tired of the farting and snoring. The " communication " complaint is just made up manipulation for boredom and cashing out with 70 percent of assests. You cannot make her happy long term no matter what you do.
This guy is an idiot. Please stop blaming men for women initiating 80-90% of the divorces.
The guy sucks. A total ManVagina
In any long term marriage there is a history of ups and downs and unresolved conflicts. What blindsides many men isn’t that they aren’t aware of such things. Heck we think many times of kicking our wives out of the car but instead we suck it up to keep our families together. We are blindsided when we find out it’s the wives who aren’t willing to do the same.
With regards to "listening", there is a difference between listening and agreeing. But for many women not agreeing with them translates into "their feelings don’t matter", which they then express as "He doesn’t listen". No, we heard your view just fine, and you heard ours. We just don’t agree. Nobody gets their way every time in a relationship.
Oh my goodness!!!! This man is so enlightened! Sadly it took a load of bricks, yet HE GOT IT!!! Way to go! Right on! Women of our generation – generally speaking – have been speaking kindly all along. Women of this latest generation are throwing bricks from the get go 😊 and that is working out so much better – if indeed the divorce rates are going down. Congratulations for facing your relational blind spots. You can be proud of yourself.
She gleefully says: "We’re Done"? Ha!! The assumption is that the women are perfect communicators and that they all have perfectly reasonable expectations of marriage based on reality and reason. This is totally false and absurd. Also assumed: Men are selfish, slob -simpletons who don’t/can’t listen to women’s complaints and dissatisfaction. I am not hearing that these marriages were troubled by abuse, drug addiction, infidelity, etc. So, it is perfectly OK to dump a good man/marriage in search of the perfect man/marriage. Yet, none of these women are perfect. Far from it!! The evidence that substantiates the recklessness of these decisions is this: the failure rate for 2nd and 3rd marriages is 65% and 76% respectively. Evidently, we can still blame the new men for these failures also. Blowing up marriage/family for trivial reasons is asinine. Tragically it is becoming quite common currently.
Wow, great interview and insight! Thank you!
Geez let the woman talk bro !!
Listen to what? Complaining, nagging, criticizing. afteWell, it’s all about domination not communication.
We men do not communicate endlessly. We don’t have to listen. You women should listen to men as per biology. Now, that’s been changed now since women don’t need men anymore for resources. We don’t change over 100 years. It’s a process of adaptation. Older women have just few option: live with ten cats, be promiscuous at the old age, find 10-20 year older simp. I am not gonna listen to blah blah blah all day long nor I am changing to validate a woman. Man with a focus on his children, job, hobbies at the age of 50 does not need a woman to make his life miserable. She’ll be easy going or agreeable or she won’t be at all.
It’s too late ….. once a man signs the marriage contract. His ass is grass and the wife will feed off of it until she decides to pull the trigger via a divorce filing. And she’ll have plenty of time to criticize and nag her husband as he’s slaving away trying to keep the "family afloat" via his slave labor. Ahhhh ….. here I am 30 years after ex’s filling laying on a warm bed, wondering what I’ll be doing today and how I’m going to spend the huge wealth that I’ve accumulated for the past 30 years as a ‘single’ unattached deplorable. Decisions, decisions !!!!!!
It’s the cumulative effect. While you’re raising a family and working it’s all you can do to get through the day. Once the kids are grown you have time to evaluate where you are in life and in your marriage. Sometimes you realize that you’ve lived with or put up with behavior that you can no longer accept. If either party takes the position that it’s nothing to with them, then sometimes divorce is the only option.
“Happy wife, happy life,” says the blue pilled beta simp. When does the husband get to be happy? No, he’s just supposed to keep his head down work hard to keep the whole boat afloat until she one day walks in and says, “We need to talk. And by the way, I want the house.” I call BS.
Is it possible for a man to avoid being blindsided if the man says he ‘understands’ what he needs to do to communicate effectively but then doesn’t work at making it happen?
My wife says "You are not listening". I say "I heard exactly what you said. I don’t agree". Wife says "You are are a bully and a jerk". That’s how women communicate. Your guest is delusional.
I have to add, ignoring a difficult situation or conversation will 100% of the time, not go away and will likely get worse.
How do you answer the question why lesbian divorce rates are higher than heterosexual marriages ? Who is not listening to who in that case ? Maybe it’s the women that cannot communicate.
When he screams "I WANT A DIVORCE!!" and then you serve him, if he is blindsided, that’s on him.
His last statement "Happy wife, happy life" sums up modern day marriage philosophy. Man’s happiness doesn’t matter a bit. All about the wife.
I love the way some ladies smell, look and feel. I like to make them smile, but I can’t stand the sound of a woman’s voice for more then about ten minutes. I guess that makes me a lousy communicator. Good thing I like being a bachelor
I think the comments apply to both sides. It’s not so generic that men are the ones responsible.
Communication! Bahahhaa! The woman just wants to cash out is really what’s happening
OMG, on point, "Women have their revolutions later in life because they were so accomodating and they were so holding themselves back from saying what was there for them" Or not there…. as well, I should add. Yes, when a man finally really hears it or tries to get it, it’s typically far too late as the conversations have likely happened over and over, across the years with no real change. Men get tired of hearing the same story or being nagged, I get that, that’s not fun, but whether a woman puts it out there in a "less nagging way" or a nagging way, the bottom line is ,"Are you hearing me?" "Are you willing to make changes with me?" "Are you willing to express some kind of emotion without me having to drag it out of you?" Most of time, sadly, men are not when faced with a cross-roads in a relationship. Some may be willing to change and fight like hell, but the reason it’s usually too late is again, they’ve probably been given the reason’s why a woman is unhappy many, many times and now the woman is just lonely, empty, unwilling to keep going. Once those feelings are gone, it’s pretty hard to stay.
LISTENING: God is merciful, I’m now hearing impaired [lol.] Friendships work for me, lots of them. Its less complicated that way. Good friendships last a lot longer than any paired off "one-itish" I’ve experienced. Besides, if a woman doesn’t want to be a true friend, how’s that romance thing going to work? Speak up sweetheart, I can’t hear you [humor.]
The wife refusing to hear truths, refusing to acknowledge realities, refusing to accept any percentage of responsibility, etc. is all too often ignored or glossed over as ‘poor communication’ … i got news for you: if the message and info are all crystal clear, well articulated and precisely delivered … if its not what she wants to hear – it wont ever matter. — "better communication" is horse shit.
Communication – that’s right. Women don’t communicate, they expect you to read their mind. Also women are designed to use language to manipulate, not communicate. So two women will understand each other but they expect men to read their minds to know what they meant which has no relation to what a woman said.
I’m 57 and when I was in my 20s, I did a lot of pleasing of a man. My first husband, though, had parents who were a hot mess in their relationship…so of course, my marriage to him didn’t last. The thing is that guys do not always hear what the woman’s problem is…and by the time the marriage is in major trouble, she has built up a lot of resentment and anger…and thus, just wants to divorce. I tried counseling in that first marriage but it seemed that the counselor, even though she was a woman, didn’t get what my issues were. In my second marriage, he was a much better listener and he did his best but he had major depression which killed my love for him over four years or so. Finally, I had to give up. Was the hardest decision I ever made!