Harsh Truth About Couples Therapy May 12, 2023 admin Marriage Counseling 50 Harsh Truth About Couples Therapy
THANK YOU PATRICK! My narc sister wants us to go to family therapy to "fix my behavior "…first of all, the bad behavior she is referring to is just me establishing boundaries. Two, as you said, since she is in fact a narcissist who may have NPD therapy is doomed to fail
Yup. This. Me and my partner broke up 1 week ago today, and I definitely had this "if I only get him to go with me to a therapist then the therapist will open his eyes and he’ll be open to all the things he’s always doubted the 5 years we’ve been together".
The part that makes me really angry and disappointed is that some therapists (etc) seriously teach that it only takes 1 person to change the relationship. 1 person can solve the problems by themselves and I mean this just screams codependency (the term in Swedish is co-addiction). Shoutout Abby Medcalf who taught me this and made my unrealistic naive hope even bigger. And I mean… how many heterosexual men do you think listen to that sort of thing vs hetero women? 10% vs 90%? This all makes me so angry
Yeah. I took my husband, who ASKED TO GO. It was obvious it wasn’t going to work. My therapist scolded me for not agreeing to couples bcs “he really wants this to work”. Excuse me, who has been married to this man for 25 years? Not you. Narc’t in it to undermine my one support source. It worked.
Yeah, my husband still doesn’t believe he had any problem whatsoever, and it affects us still almost as bad as it did when he was still around because we have a daughter together.
He said doo doo
He perfectly describes my S.O… unfortunately I’ve already come to this realization. Still super informative.
What causes people to marry only later learning they can’t stand one another? Why does this happen over and over?
you said “do-do” TWICE…I absolutely CANNOT take you serious right now. You were good up until the first “do-do”
I can’t help it my wife married an autistic guy. She will cry at me and I will say I don’t understand why shes upset. Because i don’t. I wish I wasnt this way
I wish someone would tell my mom this 🙁
If you’re thinking about couple’s counseling then your relationship is over. There’s the harsh truth.
The success rate is 2%. 2% of couples who go to couples counseling fix the relationship and 100% of the people are better off afterwards. You’re not the 2%, end the relationship. Otherwise you’re just prolonging the inevitable.
And be kind about it. Don’t be an asshole.
could you do a couples council roleplay? im only familiar with pop culture couples counciling, where its treated as a last resort and a joke. Me and my boyfriend both have ptsd and we want to do couples counciling, but we’re happily dating, so idk what that would look like
Just the concept of "couple therapy" blows my mind lol I couldn’t imagine having a therapist also mediate the relationship in real time because I can’t even concept having a relationship in that time
My ex refused point blank to go to therapy. I left. We both needed better communication skills. I might have been able to get him there by admitting there were things I was afraid to talk to him about but it just would have prolonged the agony.
Yep. My ex and I went once. The therapist with long leg slit in her skirt, won over by my ex, told my ex that he didn’t need to return with me.
Unfortunately, this is so true 🙁 Also, I think when you’re the partner who’s pressing for therapy, be prepared that therapy will uncover wrongs on your side too. Healing is for everyone.
Glad I didn’t bother. I don’t think my husband has the ability even to be self aware or be emotionally mature. He’s been so shut down for so long his emotional development is actually stunted and I can’t see him changing. He really only ever wanted a mother to look after him who could also be a wife. And that’s all he’ll ever want as far as I can tell. There will be no future where we have conversations and discussions on different topics like other people. His understanding of life is so limited, there is no meaningful feedback he can ever give me on anything except what to buy at the supermarket, what to have for dinner, what night he is going out & which family event is coming up.
The car rides home together were the worst 😢Also, “date nights” were a sad joke.
24 straight couples therapy sessions with my narcissistic alcoholic ex, and everything was still my fault, and he didn’t have a drinking problem. Our 15-yo twins knew he was an alcoholic without any input from me. They still dislike him for his dishonesty, 20 years later.
I’m so juvenile, you said do do,😃
Amen! And if they’re a narcissist, they can play the therapist.
I’ve also heard of a manipulative person pushing their spouse to couples counseling. That manipulative person has a degree in psychology, and probably managed to get the counselor on their side to "change the spouse". Their spouse isn’t perfect, of course, but ask anyone who knows them and people will tell you that the spouse isn’t the problem there.
I think the same thing applies when trying to build bridges with fractured relationships with parents. It’s hard when there has been generational emotional abuse and both parties are damaged and struggling to communicate. But it’s near impossible when one party is trying to do the work and the other is too shut down to engage with the repair process.
Isn’t it ironic how the only couples that would actually benefit from couples therapy are people who probably wouldn’t need couples therapy to begin with because they already be open to communication
Man, i needed this 12 years ago! But thank you for the validation i really need
Ooooh yeah this happened to me when I tried family therapy with my siblings. Me and one of my siblings showed up and did the work but we couldn’t really solve anything without the other sibling willing to make changes and take ownership of her actions
Yes , absolutely correct. My last therapist told / explained this to me clearly. Thank you for your invaluable short talks 🙏🏻❤
Did this , and 💯 agree Patrick ! My partner is Not psych minded
I’m currently in a Marriage and Family Therapy class and yeah, as I learn more about what it entails, I wholeheartedly agree that everyone has to be on board to get anything out of it.
One psych minded, one closed minded. Yep. My life now.
If couples therapy comes up in conversation, you are done.
Yeah, this applies to family therapy too unfortunately.
This was exactly my experience, we ended in divorce, we are friends and coparents, I’m 100% happier. Thank you for validating what I felt
As a therapist I see this time and time again. Often couples cancel their next appointment because they expect you to perform miracles and are just not ready to accept responsibility.
I would not even entertain the idea. I have been in and out of therapy for many years. This does not mean it would be productive to even try. Each therapist had their own reservations about couples therapy. I rarely asked him.it Always NO.
It either makes or breaks you , it broke us
This is so true… And I’ve also found in my years it applies to familial relationships too…
Truth. Been there, never worked.
Yes, this is so true. It is why I often will recommend eventually therapy first when I get these types of couples showing up for couples counseling. You can’t just one person in a relationship willing and/or capable of doing all the work. Nor are we miracle workers.
I would imagine this would cross over into any therapy where you bring in someone else.
Therapy just gives abusive people more fuel for their sick nasty fire.
So true. Been there and the therapist actually told us after about 6 sessions she couldn’t help us because he was so avoidant and refusing to do any of the work we needed to do together.