How Domestic Violence Can Backfire on the Victim During Divorce
Despite the feeling of a safe space to report the volatile nature of her marriage one mother receives backlash from the courts. Domestic violence doesn’t play out in family court the way you might think.
I’m likeky going to set everyone off by saying that I don’t think it’s that simple. While I do not deny that The Justice system is badly messed up, I would also note that in most States it is still heavily witheavily wated in favor of the woman.
Having said that, it is also far too common for there to be cases of prospective divorcees using malicious s and underhanded tactics.
Nah it means they were lying like this lady I’m about to divorce 👍
The courts need to wake up. All Im gonna say. Smh
What if there was a domestic violence, but the charges were dropped to a disorderly conduct ? How could that help in divorce court ?
My thoughts are all claims should be investigated thoroughly on both sides because that’s the only way you can find the true wolf.
Record everything or they won’t believe you
The emotional damage that was caused in the relationship had been the cause of the anger. It is difficult to remain emotionally stable when a partner or husband has been unreasonable has betrayed trust has cheated lied, triangulated and manipulated the other person. Anger is part of the grief cycle, how do Courts, Lawyers, Social workers not recognise the symptoms of abuse? PTSD, Anxiety, Fear, Grief, Emotional Abuse
This anger and the low energy emotions, shame, guilt, fear is what can cause further physical damage.
Bait . This whole thing seems like it’s not a typical example of a child custody case . Seems like your selling something, by Involving yourself in these matters
This is happening to me and I could really use help please 🙏🏽💜😢
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Pice of you know what . I’m not surprised
It’s unbelievable to me that courts think someone who abuses their spouse is just going to automatically be a good parent to their child/children. So many moms who do the right thing by leaving an abusive husband are punished in family court and so are the kids. Women can leave but our kids don’t have a choice. In CA, if you don’t have evidence your ex physically abused your children, the courts treat kids like property – 50/50 custody – it’s just easier for judges that way. And of course, the person with the better lawyer wins.
Yes this is true and that’s exactly what happened to me I’m now on supervised visits
I filed a police report against my soon to be ex-husband in North Carolina for an incriminating video I had where he threatened to kill me. I made the mistake of sharing that with him and immediately he got a lawyer and the agreements I feel even though I would get $200 a week for medical expenses for therapy is not worth the stressors indicated in the separation agreement. He found a hell of a lawyer who is a stickler. Good for her. But he knew exactly what he was doing all along I just realized… So I’m trying to figure out some other things with the police department now which I am so thankful for because I feel really alone in this. He is threatening harassment against me if I contact him… Because I sent him way too many emails out of impulse that I would do anything to take back. I fell for the set up… My fault… By him doing XYNZ he knew so well but I was so vulnerable and raw and my response would be only using my emotional mind and not my rational mind. I am praying that that video I have where he threatens to kill me could override any sort of so-called harassment he is saying he can file against me from the past couple days of begging for money for gas and medication like he verbally Promised me. He knows that emotionally and mentally I am unstable and unwell and that’s exactly where he wants me. He actually told me he’s not stopping until he’s at rock-bottom. I was already in treatment for mental health and I I guess a band in the marriage is what it could be looked at for six months and we were only married for a year and a half… But I wonder if in the state of North Carolina if that matters or not and if I actually could have something to use against him to help validate what I went through etc. and not take the $200 a month. I feel like I would be questioning my sanity and everything I ever felt in my Got it. Like I said he is a narcissist. Followed all of the classic stages… The love bombing, the Devaluing, the abandonment
It’s Cetera… And it’s as if you never existed you are wiped clean from their world forever out of that out of mind forever. Not sure how he can do that. But I won’t go down a whole other road here. Sorry it’s just so fresh and I’m ranting and I feel super alone in the house except for the police department being able to give me a report number. I don’t know if that means anything like I said but I need free help I don’t even have four dollars to my name and I just am back in an abusive environment with my mother and he knew exactly how it would affect me throwing me in here and he knew that I would be needing money for my medication and therapy for six months. Was never asking for a lot at all. But he decided to add an all these other stipulations and I also have been wanting a job where he worked for the past year and a half and that was promised to me verbally you know what I mean… So I feel like I’d be losing so much more by signing This separation agreement with those terms and have so much more against me and losing so much more. Like I couldn’t even contact his other family members that work there… It is a dream to work there… I just I need some free advice somewhere and I have nobody in my corner. Thank you for what you do. I’m supposed to be applying for jobs and trying to get a job but of course this is consuming me and he knows that very well I’m so flustered and he knows that I can’t even pick up my antidepressants and that I have been going off the rails. This is exactly what he wanted. Of course he’s so smart and his intentions were malice and preconceived and only I will ever be the one to believe that… So maybe I am even crazier than I thought by even thinking these things… Oh and I forgot to mention sorry this is so long that I came across some messages that are no longer able to be recovered about him and some homosexual stuff… It was almost like once he got a small hint I had read some thing I never really wanted to tell him what I found because I just honestly didn’t want to start some thing because he got so defensive about some thing homosexual before… But I just have always had this gut feeling and I think a lot of his anger and rage may have came from that. But again he has so much against me with these emails after my Lawyer told me not to email him at all… That I fear that will override everything else I have… But unless I can just kind of scratch it all out and try and bang on the police being able to have some thing more incriminating against him if I send them more videos that he will be obliged to give me my portion of the Covid money and taxes etc. I don’t have money for a lawyer like he does. He makes $160,000 a year. And he won’t even help me with $10 of gas type of thing. I messed up in a lot of ways but he is definitely abusive in every way possible. Psychologically it’s happening even after I had to leave and he changed the locks. I called the police the day he changed the locks and soon after that a couple days after I sent that video he knew I then had… So I think he got scared and he’s trying to protect himself which makes sense of course… But I’m not one to play dirty and I’m not going to go down another road where I’m being fooled and stomped on. He already threw me away and abandoned me. $200 a month I can work through and be able to figure out. I just don’t think it’s worth all of this extra stuff. Especially if I have all of these videos about him telling me he’s going to kill me. Dr. Phil deemed it as Urgent type of deal but he refused to go on and help me get free help and accommodations. I think he knew he went a little too far. I just truly want to help and to drop everything else so I didn’t have to burn in my parents to help me out for money or anything like that. He knew that’s not something I would ever be able to do it because of my mother and my relationship. Basically I just went on way too long and I want to eat all of it but I’m just going to leave it maybe to look back on I’m sorry for this post is just so overwhelmed with all these changes in my life I feel so flustered and can’t even think and just out of my body. I also don’t want to rush into signing anything. I hope that legally something cannot be done if I have not signed. Even if he may have paid his lawyer
I am a DV survivor who lost custody of my oldest child to my abuser after revealing DV AND while actively fleeing the DV and staying in a DV shelter during the court proceedings. He of course had family support, hired a lawyer who claimed parental alienation and he won sole custody and I was given supervised visitation. Now, my child has been alienated from me, trauma bonded to our abuser and I am in constant grief over this loss. I have been unable to find a lawyer who can help in my specific case, pro bono because I was also financially abused and have no support, no means and no resources to pay an attorney after years of abuse. This is the story of MANY survivors of DV
80% of claims of abuse made during divorce are proven to be completely false and 95% of the people claiming abuse are women. Blame the liars.
That’s soooo not accurate. This thread is a huge exaggeration.
#1 Primary Caregiver for kids is always the birth mother. Unless they’re a junkie, mentally ill or a have a criminal record – you will spend 10s of thousands of dollars on lawyers to convince the courts to take them away from her.
When courts have proof that the mother is a stay or work from home mum for more than 1 year since separation, the man would have to move maintains to gain full custody.
If your kids with your ex-wife live with her, your ability to convince any court that you should have custody is a 10% chance.
Courts will never disrupt a child’s normal surrounding unless they’re between ages 9 – 17.
The more the kids have lived with the mum during the separation before custody hearing with no incident, the less likely it is for the father to even get sleep over custody especially if she has witness to your abuse or proof. Visitations are the best he will get.
These cases she’s mentioning are extremely rare and normally involve the woman who is liar and fabricating stories or one with criminal, violent and mental issues.
Typically a woman would’ve changed their story several times when questioned, had a bad lawyer and never bothered to write in a diary, failed to take photos or record the abuse when it was happening or had someone listening in as a witness. Most women are smarter than that.
If you’ve been abusing your wife for more than 1 year, they most likely have photos hidden you’ll never find, they have shown it to someone as witness or have recorded you several times.
Also if you have had counseling where you have admitted abuse or to a friend or a confidant … the counsel by law will reveal the truth under oath. They will never lie for you in court. You must be filthy rich for a counselor desperate to retire to lie for you.
Also, your kids themselves have seen and heard you abuse their mum most likely. Even 5 year olds remember words you say and can repeat them.
Men don’t get full custody they way you’re exaggerating it here.
Abusive, reckless, drug alcoholic, extremely busy career women are the ones who mostly go through what you’re referring to.
Report the abuse as soon as it happens
Tell attorneys immediately to prepare them to go to court