How To Deal With Parents' Divorce In Your 20's

How To Deal With Parents' Divorce In Your 20's

Earlier in my career, I spent 13 years in doing child custody evaluations for the court, that’s why I know that dealing with parents’ divorce is hard to deal with even if your already in your 20’s. With my fair share of dealing with divorce situations, here’s a video that help you deal and cope.

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Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins

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Track: Kisma – We Are [NCS Release]
Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.
Licensed under Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0

Video by Nate Woodbury



  1. My parents have always been arguing but I never thought in a million years I’d hear the words “We’re getting a divorce.” I can’t imagine not eating diner with them every day like normal. I’m terrified to live with only one of them. I hate having to think all night who I’d live with. I just can’t imagine barely seeing one of my parents.. I feel really guilty somehow. My brother is taking this so smoothly while I’m panicking. I’m only 12 and I feel terrible thinking that I’d never see the day where I get married and see my parents there together, smiling.

  2. My parents are divorcing after 22 years of their marriage and i am 16. I cant believe its happening. I never ever expected this. I am so sad and i feel so bad talking abt this to my friends and family.

  3. I’m scared what people will think about us… I’m so numb that I can’t even decide with whom I’m gonna live with… I’m 18 and I just don’t know anything…HELP!!

  4. *Trigger warning suicide*
    I’m 23 and my parents have just split up. My dad has mental health issues and I’m really scared he’s going to do something silly, please help 🙁

  5. You don’t know how much this video has helped me.

    I just can’t get over the feeling that I have the obligation to save them, to connect them and to make my family whole again. How can I get over this kind of feeling. I know it’s not my job but what can I say to myself to overcome this…

    Thank you very much.

  6. Hi I am 18 years old , my dad has a extra marital affair with some other lady Past 12 years . mom and I came to know this just a year ago , I did as much as I can but I failed . My mom is not able to come out of her marriage because of no financial independence . I love both my mom and dad . I want my mom to come out of this marriage as I know that my dad will leave her in another 2 years and life will be miserable . In this case I really don’t know what to do

  7. I’m 17 and my parents are going to divorce this week, i wish i could deal with that easily, thank you so much for your advice you really helped me

  8. I don’t know what should I do anymore, both of them are already coldly distant, emotionally neglectful, and abusive to me and my younger siblings for the whole 20 years of marriage. They don’t bother asking their child to pick a side, they just continue on live with their new lovers while at the same time ignoring their kids emotional needs. I still have my grandma place to stay, but I don’t know if I ever want to see their faces again. I’m just really broken hearted and disappointed. I’m happy for them to finally stop fighting all these years but I’m afraid I’m not important in their life anymore because they already got new family somewhere else to love and care. This semester gotta be a trainwreck for my grades… Like damn…

  9. Gosh I wish I had seen this a long time ago. My parents were divorced 3 years ago and I’ve struggled so much since then. This information is so helpful.

  10. This video was a bit of a journey. Thanks for making it. I’m still coming to terms with this news. I do love my parents! I just really wish this didn’t happen. I can adapt to change but I just, feel like I’m going to be angry/upset for a very very very long time. A bunch of articles I’ve read are not even helpful either. All talking about finding "support groups" and "focusing on your strengths". I don’t go to school any more, I graduated and have my degree. What am I going to do? Just walk up to people and try and find divorced adult children friends? Start a little club? It doesn’t work like that. Not now. Not anymore. Especially not now in terms of time/year (pandemic).

    Even so. Thanks for this. It was helpful overall and you’re helping out a lot of people. I’m glad that you are and have been able to do so. Even if I feel sour. I’ll be able to get through this. It’ll just be really really rough.

  11. This is something I really need. My parents are getting a divorced and I’ve been feeling really lost, confused, depressed, basically anything. As the eldest child, I really feel that I failed to help my parents, especially the fact how both talk to me about basically everything. I really needed this because I’ve been beating myself over and over of how I couldn’t do much let alone being able to help them resolve their problems.

    THANK YOU FOR REMINDING THAT ITS OKAY TO DECLINE because I’m really sick and tired of being a courier for them both.

  12. thank you dear sir for this video… i almost began to hate my dad after listening to my mom about her experiences with him, i bought the ticket….. thanks for making me realize that….. god bless you sir

  13. My mom hates dad because I became like him in a lot of ways. Over-critical and negative. The more they fight, the more negative and critical I am.

  14. Thank you so much for making this video. My parents are now separating due to revelation of dad’s years of infidelity. I honestly don’t know how to deal with the fallout since I’m in my early 20s and have been living with them up until the separation. I don’t know how to be there for them as individuals especially mom. I can’t tell you how much your advice means to me. Your tip about setting up boundary is so important. I’m still struggling to cope but your help is everything.

  15. At first I want to thank you for this video, I am 19 years old and very sure that my parents will divorce in a few days/weeks… my parents have been married for almost 30 years (my dad did a big mistake…) and my mom has created this X and I don’t know how to show her that my father is not a monster but that he is the man she married (sorry for my english I‘m from Germany).
    I just feel so helpless…

  16. My parents are kinda divorcing rn but i kinda don’t even know what to make of it like I’m 19 but I kinda don’t care bc they were kinda got really angry and insane as I got older but then I think about being younger and it kinda hurts but i don’t think it’s really hit yet idk

  17. I can’t believe i’m watching this and it feels weird 😂 thanks for letting me know that it’s not my job to be the courier… tho i’m not sure how to not buy the ticket…

  18. My parents have been fighting since I was small… I’m 20 now…. My father is abusive and mother is rude….. I don’t know what to do…. I feel I’m stuck in the same place for years…. They always say they will get divorced but they never do…. It’s like reliving trauma multiple times…. What should I do…. Should I tell them to finally just get divorced…. And if they do whom should I live with

  19. My parents got divorced when I was 2 they treated me well when I was younger but now my dads been distancing himself

  20. No matter what happened. Screw it life goes on guys, stay strong, have faith and try to be nice to your parents as much as possible, you only have them once.

  21. My parents are having divorce just after 2 days😭😭😭 I can’t stop crying while typing also😭😭😭😭😭😭 what should I do I want mother’s love even dad’s love😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

  22. My mum is divorcing my dad after what would have been 24 years of marriage this year. I’m 22 and my brother is 14. She’s been having an affair with a man in her work for a year, she told me this 2 weeks after I just bought my house with my boyfriend and what’s worse is the man she’s having an affair with lives in the street I’ve moved into 😩

  23. Thank you. This helped me tremendously a lot. It is what you described what my parents are doing during their divorce. Both parents are telling different stories and bad mouth about each other terribly. My father decided to not support the family anymore and be a nomad because he feels he’s missing out on life as he grows older. My mom, only left with a house and no income to support the rest of the family, decided to sell the house this year and find a job despite her physical disability. My parent’s relationship has always been bad since as long as I could remember, but the financial crisis during the pandemic had been the tip of the iceberg. I only worry that because of the dynamic separation of my immediate family, we won’t be able to communicate or see each as well anymore.

  24. Wow… never thought I’d be here. After so many years of Union and happiness, my parents were the ultimate symbol of true love. Lord give me the strength to go through this …

  25. My parents announced their divorce this weekend and I live with them. I have no idea how to deal with this huge transition

  26. After watching this a few times, I’ve made all the mistakes you’ve mentioned and I can say that it doesn’t help anyone and has made me more bitter. The best advice is that the person they’re manufacturing is not my parent. This video is such a blessing despite me not following the advice, so I encourage others to follow the advice because it is crucial

  27. just turned 20 and i’m dealing with this. my father hates me and my mother has a paramour sometimes i just wanna disappear like a bubble

  28. My mother gave up everything for the family, kids , parents , in laws, following his career to keep the family together. Now he is retired and they don’t know how to be together. He doesn’t respect her. She walks on egg shells trying not to make him have another displeased tantrum because he can’t stand that she just stays home all day reading and watching TV. Two of the three kids overseas. All the other family is dead or not around. So it is the three of us and me the mood buffer trying to keep everyone’s moods up. Has shaken all my beliefs about safety and love. So scary to think you can give up everything for someone and then they can turn around in the 11th hour and appreciate none of it

  29. My mum blames me for the whole thing, i caught my dad talking online to another woman on the other side of the world, i went straight home and got "family" tattooed on my arm, my mum found out a week later and now im disowned from her and my sister with my niece and nephew. My sister believes "the story" my mum told her! Now im alone, as Dad moved to the otherside of the world. Im the one that got burnt the most, i lost everything!

  30. Its not about us, but what if we could fix it by understanding both on their level . And also establish somekind of understanding. But will this mean i am making them forcefully stay together out of my love.

  31. Even at 19. I’m laughing bc this is the second time I am dealing with this, you got me to laugh bc you are right. this is not my fault and they always make up some monster in their mind and I sit here and think that’s funny

  32. My parents told me they’re divorcing two days ago. I cry on and off sporadically throughout the day. They’re still sleeping in the same bed and plan to sell the house next year, they just said they realized they’re more friends than partners – but I feel like my family is dying. I’m 24 and they’ve been married 27 years and together over 30. They’re still going to be friends and do things together but I’m so devastated. 😔

  33. I just recently turned 21 and so much has happened my mom found out my dad was doing something with someone else and my dad already is going to sell our home and both going different ways and I was going to attend school again in the summer but know I have to know where to go I’m lost and confused

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