How Your Divorce Attorney is Manipulating You – and Tips to Keep Your Legal Costs Under…

How Your Divorce Attorney is Manipulating You – and Tips to Keep Your Legal Costs Under…



Some attorneys use tricks to make your divorce more expensive. Given all the emotions you are likely going through during your divorce (heartbreak, anger, guilt, and sadness), it is easy for an attorney to manipulate you into spending more money.   I do not want you to spend any more on your divorce than you have to. Every dollar you unnecessarily spend is one less dollar you have for your life after your divorce. I want you to be aware of these tricks, so you can watch out for them.   1) Playing therapist. You hire a divorce attorney to advise you on the law and advocate for you. They are not there to listen to your emotional problems or provide therapeutic advice. Attorneys may try to play on your emotions and charge you for their time.   Perhaps you spend 15 minutes talking about emotional issues, and your attorney charges $400 an hour. So that is $100 that you have wasted. You could have used that money to get a full hour with a good therapist, who is actually trained to help you sort through emotional issues.   2) Focusing on irrelevant details. Because you are likely in an emotional state, your attorney can trick you into fighting over issues that do not matter. It is important to keep the big picture in mind. I recommend making a list of the most important issues, and putting them in order. Then prioritize items on the top of the list, and avoid spending too much time fighting about items low on the list.   3) Treating you like an ATM. From the beginning of the divorce process, your attorney knows what assets you have because you fill out a financial affidavit. Many attorneys will look at it and decide how much you can afford. They may just decide outright how much your divorce is going to cost. When attorneys try to manipulate you into fighting about irrelevant details and dragging out your divorce, they are effectively treating you like an ATM.   It is helpful to know their tricks and be aware of your priorities, so you can get through the divorce process as efficiently as possible. Do not waste any extra money on legal fees or other expenses that ultimately do not help you in the long run.   Thank you for listening to the Divorce and Your Money Show. Visit us at for 1-on-1 coaching. If you enjoyed the show, please take a moment to leave a review on iTunes, as it will help other people discover this free advice.


  1. Marraige is money making business this is why they encourage it. To all my men out there don’t marry these women, it’s a man trap RUN!!

  2. after 18 month going back and forth deliberation was made my propriety has to be sold to be split but i was getting a 2 to 3 thousand bill now i got last month 10000 bill and the next month 22000 bill is that legal accepted

  3. Amen . You hit the nail right on the head . And I bet all that thumb down in your comment is from those greedy attorney . LOL

  4. We need a video of how not to get ripped off by all attorneys in general. Remember if you loose they still get your money. Many will say you have a good case when you dont. They make no money if you dont hire them. This is why they may lie and say you have a good case. It they are willing to take your case on a contingency then you have a good case. If they wont be careful. Create an incentive for them to win.

  5. This is definitely one of the reasons why many people hate attorneys, and those divorce attorneys you talked about did not help their image.

  6. i paid my lawyer 130000$
    All i wanted was to keep the house i paid for. Now i have to sell it because i have to give the ex money. 200K. So i got nothing i wanted. We have no kids. 130000??? I see noone around speaking that kind of number…

  7. Thanks…very much appreciated! Used your advice to stay focused on my original goals and budget, and not expand and pursue other issues as recommended by my attorney.

  8. This should NOT be the responsibility of the CLIENT who is PAYING. Why is this so normalized.

  9. My very expensive attorney continued working on my case with only occasional payments as a favor well after it seemed clear my husband was indeed broke and I had very limited assets. It will require me to sell my home and all of my personal belongings to pay off his $170,000 bill. He calls me selfish for not selling everything I own to pay him but I feel he should have taken me aside and said I don’t want to see you lose everything here. You should go pro se or find legal aide. He also ignored me for the last 8 months not returning my calls or emails. His junior attorney became rude and condescending. They did the work though. . What’s your take?

  10. I wish I had seen this 3 months ago. Fired her and have a new attorney who gets to the point and this should be finalized next month. Former attorney said another ten months!

  11. My divorce case is legally aided all was smooth the attorney was so helpful until she stops working for the firm and her boss took over my case, after our first meeting today I felt extremely insulted and she actually told me because she spent so much time on me she has less time to prepare paperwork , this on top of her being LATE for our appointment and talk to me like I’m a beggar.

  12. Hiring a criminal lawyer might be a stressful thing, and finding the right attorney may be hard, luckily for me I had help from Mike a very good lawyer, he helped me get free form my marriage I’ve been free 2 months if you need any help WhatsApp/text +15182175945

  13. I represented myself in my divorce and I won Permanent Alimony and I want to thank Divorce and your Money 🤓🏦📃📑

  14. So far have had two attorneys, first one wanted access to my home and another asset in the case for personal inspection, charged me 4,000 a month. Fired that one , the second lies to me about paperwork sent to her office, claiming I forgot to send it until I produce the UPS receipt with her signature on it. She also told me the judge refused evidence that would have refuted allegations my husband and his attorney made against me. She claimed she had not used my evidence in another court appearance where the judge actually did look at the evidence provided which was the only reason I got personal property returned to me that my husband stole. I am now completely fed up because I asked her about mandatory court mediation and she called me and told me if I didn’t like the way she was handling the case I was welcome to represent myself. So far this circus has cost me over $40,000 and my husband showed up for the pretrial this February, I filed in July of 2019.

  15. I was dealing with a divorce attorney I had hier who did file a stipulation for immediate sale of my house . I got very afraid : didn’t know what to do, it felt like I had hired my ex spouse attorney and not me own, but I had no money left . I had paid a $ 25,000 retainer and this was the first action my Lawfirm took ;
    Soon I became homeless ; later I understood from the judge while self represented; my Lawyer had made ‘a deal ‘ with opposing counsel .

    While I was homeless (without any support And my ex who had canceled my health insurance ) my Lawfirm did charge me over $ 30;000 a month and did lef. My sign lien after lien on my equity before the house was even sold.

    I had no idea I was singing liens . I asked one day if I was paying so much money if they could please give me some money for food .
    That was against the law he told me.

    In 3 months the bill did hit 103,000 and I left but I ended up loosing everything ; over 1 milljon.

    I am still self represented and Dealing with serious losses and even health issues. I got very sick for a while

  16. I hate when you call them attorney’s , they are bloody lawyers !! , incompetent and greedy !!


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