Husband Doesn't Want Wife To Be Stay At Home Mom….WHAT!?
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A husband wrote in to Slate and described why he thinks it’s wrong for his wife to want to become a stay at home mom to their newborn child. This is everything wrong with our culture.
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Well, this marriage is going to end in divorce within a year
Let’s see how many of you will be able to afford to stay at home . As economy crashes inflation increases. Second what happens if the marriage fails. You think you have the perfect marriage but sometimes things do not work . Husband develops outside hobbies at work.
He’s a greedy SOB. Money and status is more important to him than the nurturing that happens when a mother can stay home with her kids. Also wondering if he is a godly man? Is he a Christ follower? If a couple puts God first, great things happen for the family.
Such a beta male!…
The guy is undermining his child
Can she not be ambitious in raising their child?
I feel like guys like this are immature
He doesn’t know how much he will love having his wife’s full time and energy in his home.
Men don’t appreciate stay at home moms/housewives until they’re gone, and that’s when they realize cleaning the house isn’t just vacuuming once a week, cooking isn’t just throwing random things into the oven, and that kids need more attention than playing 5 minutes once a day.
Some of the worse moments of my life were being left waiting an hour at school or the bus stop because my mum was working. I sometime went to school without lunch or with dirty clothes because my mum failed at taking care of me
Most men these days feel this way
He didn’t say he expects her to work 40 hours a week maybe he’s just saying that he wants to share the job to raise believe it or not most men want to raise there kids too what if mum gets home dad goes to work. He did say he loved her aspirations but I think he was referring to her work she was already doing yes she should have the right to make that decision if dad can afford it if he can’t then she needs to help him. I have no doubt he wants to see his daughter too
IDK…I guess I’ll be the devil’s advocate because you can’t really fault him. The world and financial needs are just plain different today compared to "The Godfather" era by far and everyone’s household plans and needs are NOT the same. Going from two incomes to one is indeed a BIG life-changing arrangement. Their whole household financial dynamic likely can’t sustain on his income alone as they’re living and likely, what he’s really too proud to say is he’s not making enough…at least together they would’ve been able to progress further. Chances are their lifestyle depends on BOTH their income which is why he mentioned she has a generous maternity leave package. Perhaps had she’d mentioned this a while prior to it being close to her return to work, they could have time to plan a life on his income alone. They may need to sell their house or cut back on things significantly and she’d need to be on board. He was likely relieved that he WAS getting married to an ambitious woman because again, that means more money into the pot towards not only their livelihood but towards their retirement plans. It’s not as if he’s not working AT ALL and just living entirely off her or that he suggested to stay at home with the child while SHE works. It’s nice and has its conveniences for her to be a stay-at-home mother. But yet, it’s also not so unusual for a household to be a two-income earning household again, especially in today’s world. Thus, perhaps she can plan to work from home instead…do a business that would allow her to earn income while tending to their child on her own schedule.
I don’t want my wife staying at home all day either. There’s no quality in that.
I agree with you totally. What a weak man. Get rid of him. I would rather be on my own with the child.
She got what she wanted all along. The husband was the sperm donor she needed, plus, she has a man to pay for everything. A lot of men get caught in this trap. Furthermore, she is now in a position to take half of everything he has if things don’t work out.
While there are many good reasons why a mother would want to stay at home with the kids, a lot of women have ambitions beyond the four walls of their home. The solution is not to discourage women from pursuing fulfilling careers. Rather, we ought to encourage people to do both career and parenting well.
Your dismissal of work and ambition as putting widgets together okays laziness. Very dogmatic.
Because, he never saw her like a woman, but a financial partner. Sad. This happened to me as well. I am wondering if he didn’t write it
I just want a husband who can provide. Impossible to find
The hand that rocked the cradle was always the grandmother actually. For most of history it was only ever upper class women who didn’t work. They also didn’t raise there kids.
I can kind of see where he’s coming from because, I assume, he wants his daughter to know women can work hard and have accomplishments. However, it’s not just up to him what decision she makes.
Will she really raise the child and do the house duties?
As a working mom, I see many stay home moms don’t do Jack at home. Kids are raised by sports and school, while she is busy posting pics on IG and all sorts of nonesense . Also seen many stay home moms not cooking for her family.
Just because someone doesn’t work, that doesn’t mean she will do what she needs to do as her full time job is being a wife and mom. Maybe the husband knows she will be a lazy person who contributes nothing .
Man todays is loser. They want woman to support them. Poor man. I bet they cant be man in bed as well lol
Men never know what they want!!!
If I were to be a man I wouldn’t want my wife to be a stay at home mom. I’m brazilian and in Brazil most women are working moms. If you don’t have a job you became dependent on your husband and if the marriage goes bad you can’t leave, because you are financially dependent on him. It’s funny that some americans still have this old and conservative idea.
If a husband decides to be a stay at home dad … would reactions be the same?
Encouraging women to work wasn’t about forcing them because they were lazy it was because we had massive intellectual and creative potential and working often gives us so much purpose and happiness, plus to escape from fincial control from others but often a woman’s purpose and happiness is her offspring so that’s just as awesome
Wait a minute there is a lot of mothers that stay home and kids don’t even respect them or even listen to them
Food is never ready because today woman don’t know how to cook
She wants to stay home and not do anything a while her husband will have to go to a job that doesn’t like
Deal with a boss that he doesn’t even like and then he has to worry what is going to happen if he loses the job the next day what are they going to eat and how they going to pay rent
Stop letting this woman been lazy
Is a 50% 50% relationship not a 90% 10% because taking care of the a kid is not a job is a responsibility as a parent.
Agree with you. Stay home mom is the greatest and hardest job. I and my husband raise our children and he was the main bread winner. I love everything about raising our children as a stay home mom, taking care of house chores, making good home meals when my husbsnd come home. I don’t complain about this. We both worked and this is clearly mention in the Bible If people research from Genesis – Revelation. Having more money doesn’t bring happiness to some extend but raising proper children in Godly manner is #1. Everything thing belong to both of us even with our $$$$. The way this works is now I’d rather NOT take chance to raise my own kids by others.
Titus 2:3-5
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
If moms put their career before their kids they are neglecting them.
My partner doesn’t want me to go back to work and finish raising our son and once our son goes to school I expressed how I want to go back and work he told me if I want to go and work he doesn’t mind but he prefer me not to. His poor wife.
This man needs to stay home for a week and do everything his wife has been doing while home so that he has a smidge of understanding! Raising my babies was worth giving up all of the "extras". I do everything in the home and yard and for my kids. My husband works outside of the house.
people don’t just change suddenly, like this. i hate it when people lie like this. "all of a sudden one day they came in the house and wanted something more." There are always signs and things. It is your SPOUSE. You can tell and they probably mention things. 🙄 And everyone and everything on the globe is literally dead right now so jobs are not exciting and fulfilling. It is literally just sitting in a room all day for a paycheck. sooo stfu with "wanting her" to have her usual ambition. HAHAHA, what was she ambitious toward???? What POSSIBLY could have been fulfilling and stimulating about a job right now in the 2000’s? You’re such a liar.
I chose to breastfeed my babies as much as possible (until 2yo and 6 mo) and stay with them while they were sick for long days during their young years. Worked once and again and earned next to nothing. Now I am paying the price: suffering of depression. Because every night after the hard work as a mum I went to bed with one thought that I didn’t earn anything today. That is what his attitude was -" I work hard every day and I am sick of you just spending and not working". I have never felt sorry for my choice. However, this has probably ruined our relationship.
I hope this woman goes back to work once the kid starts school. Women should have their own ambitions and be financially independent. Also, as a man, there’s no way I’m working to support a grown adult while the kids are in school. Sorry, but doing g an hour of house chores, picking up the kids from school and cooking dinner is not a job. Try working in a work shop, office or construction site for 10 hrs a day being under pressure to meet deadlines and respond to emails. Both partners should contribute. It doesn’t have to be 50 50. But the other spouse should financially contribute something. Even if he or she makes less than the other spouse. It is only okay to be a stay at ho.e parent until the kids start school. After that, get a job and stop freeloaders. Unless you are disabled of course.
What the fuck is this insanity that’s falling out of this guy’s mouth? Like wtf is wrong with your culture America.
I mean I’m almost 16 I’m not married or anything obviously but personally, I can completely understand why she would want to be a stay at home mother, my mom has always worked when I was born and she did spend the most time with me and showed me love all the time, but some children don’t have parents who can balance work and home life and it results in them being neglected in some form usually emotionally. This is also how God designed mothers, to love their children and raise them of course the father as well. It is very normal for a mother to want to do this it’s HER CHILD.
He just gave me something to ask during the first date. 🧐🙌🏾
What he should do is shut up and become the dad and husband.
Give up like this?? Suddenly the breadwinner?? Omgness.
Marry a man who understands the value of a stay at home wife and mother.
so many kids today are so sensitive these days, but when mom was raising the kids you got scolded by your mom and you mother taught you how to act. I can’t help but feel that women not being the primary person raising their kids now a days has something to do with it. your mom told you to drink more water because your face looks swollen or don’t ask certain questions in public.
You will never regret staying home with your children. NEVER! I resumed my career when my oldest turned 15, the youngest was is kindergarten and the middle child was 10. It was exciting to go back into the world , but after 4 years of working, juggling the kids, marriage, kids activities, I realized although my depression has lifted my family life suffered. I would come back from work which I loved, but would feel completely drained. On many, much too many nights we would eat takeout, my kids also became more anxious, my husband was unhappy because he would come to a home where I would be so stressed out and tired that would have zero time for ourselves. I decided to leave my job and focus on our home and family. I miss getting ready, putting on my makeup, being with people, but when I think about the exhaustion, my inability to focus on what my children are saying, my husband and I not having time for ourselves, I know it’s worth it, because I know what’s important to me. You can’t have it all. You just need to be clear on what your priorities are.
If you’re a woman, and you want to work, work.
If you’re a woman, and you want to stay at home, stay at home.
No one judges the other for making their choice, and once the choice is made, no one complains about the consequences of THEIR choice.
Problem solved.
If you can afford being a stay at home mom, go ahead. It’s not something I want for myself though. I grew up in such a household and now my mom depends on me financially because she never put anything into her retirement benefits or built a 401k for herself.
We must not be mothers. We must work hard enough to afford poor women to hire as mothers for our children….. modern society doesn’t always make sense 😅
Well, this marriage is going to end in divorce within a year
I was born and raised in Communism where no private business, stay-at-home and Christianity existed (been a Christian my whole life). We escaped it and since we came with such a mentality, my mother wasn’t a traditional Christian. She always worked like my father, specially that we were immigrants and it was harder for us. But despite that, I got really interested in the traditional mindset in my late teens (20 y.o now). And since I’ve been noticing all this woke Leftist crap on schools (I was still in highschool when that started), I don’t want my children to go through that. So I will homeschool them and teach them traditional Conservative Christian mindset. They’ll choose whatever they want when they’ll be adults (18+).
This is spot on.
When a man acts like a woman’s it’s horrible. How sorry can a man be to be like a women because females are lame. He must be a beta provider simp for his women…
Thank you Michael Knowles. Some days it’s hard to feel like you are enough as "just a mom" in America.