Marriage 2.0 — a system update for lifelong relationships | Liza Shaw | TEDxHickory

Marriage 2.0 — a system update for lifelong relationships | Liza Shaw | TEDxHickory

Liza is the Director of Marriage and Family Therapy Services in Hickory, NC and a Clinical Fellow of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). She received her Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Appalachian State University in 1999 and began her private practice at that time. Liza’s expertise is in couples therapy, specifically, assisting couples to move beyond the barriers of their past and create futures together that may never before have seemed possible. “I consider it my personal mission to reduce the divorce rate in the United States… one couple at a time. But preventing divorce will only be successful if in place of unfulfilling or chronically dysfunctional marriages, couples develop truly thriving marriages and deeply fulfilling relationships.”

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)


  1. That was one of the weakest ted talks I’ve listened to in a very long time, made no sence and was just extremly poorly prepared and delivered.

  2. Asalaam aliakum.. thank you for your video and your advice on marriage. 🥰🥰😘😘😁😁😃😃🥰🥰💋💋💛❤️💛❤️🤍💋🎱🤍💋🎱 By the way the 8 ball is my way of sending you an infinity symbol. Because I love you forever xs infinity and E=Mc2 but Almighty God loves you more than that though!!
    Have a blessed day Habibi’s!!
    Asalaam ☮️ peace

  3. The comment on relying on one person to give you all your needs and happiness is the biggest falsehood imo. It creates an unrealistic expectation and a lot of pressure on one person. I think it’s up to you and you alone to find your happiness. Looking for that from a partner, a friend, a hobby, and family is a much better approach.

  4. People always conflate avrg lifespan with people all dying at that number, noit just wasn’t like that

  5. People didn’t die in the age of 35 back then. It was average life length which means somebody died in the age of 3 and somebody in the age of 80🤦🏾‍♂️

  6. Wait I’m confused… does the old model mean the outdated model? So it’s the old model that says you shouldn’t hurt people that you love? It seems like it’s still important to not hurt ppl whom you love…I must be missing something☹️

  7. Mainly marriage should be a guarantee for children to be with their parents ,it’s a traumatic feeling for children to be separated and replaced .

  8. The first part is totally wrong. She forgot about the 900 years Abraham lived and was married to Sarah. I am sure they used these through all those years.
    Ps. I don’t have a lizard in my brain. Lmao
    I do have an inner buddha chillin.

  9. So I think knowing facts and understanding each other s problems too helps us a lot and most importantly everyone s problems..thank you for giving this opportunity

  10. The puzzling sideboard curiosly bump because india ultimately apologise amongst a momentous mirror. extra-large extra-small exuberant, quixotic pantyhose

  11. Why does this marriage stuff have to be so hard …. why is it even worth it? When I come home from work, I want work to be OVER!!!!

  12. I also believe it works in our marriage , after a fight just go to sleep , relax and then discuss the problem in morning or whenever time permits but on next day itself , you get time to think what went wrong , and your partner gets time to go through his problem .. …anger is gone now like normal adults discuss what triggered you or him to lose the cool…but discuss it dont let go

  13. so if i can fulfill all my needs by myself, what’s the meaning of finding a spouse other than to reproduce. Especially she says hurt is inevitable in marriage 🙃

  14. Compromise – an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions.
    "an ability to listen to two sides in a dispute, and devise a compromise acceptable to both".

    When she’s saying Compromise is, is not the definition above, she’s explaining "give and take". Then she’s explaining whats better, witch is COMPROMISING!

  15. Mixed feelings about this. Learning to deal with pain and hurt instead of avoiding it is key, very important for *all* of society. Learn to effectively deal with it, instead of just getting upset, offended, angry… which is completely unhelpful and useless, but that’s what everyone does now. Compromise… this one is a bit short-sighted. She just says there’s always a solution where both people are happy. Nonsense. There’s very often not a better solution, and then the choice is either compromise, decide who is going to get their way… or get divorced. Example: have kids (or another kid) or don’t. If one wants to and the other doesn’t, there’s no "great option" where everyone wins. "Don’t go to bed angry" has been told to me by so many successful, happy old couples than any other piece of marriage advice. "It only takes one person to change: You" is somewhat true, but there’s still two "yous" in the relationship, and sometimes, even if you’re doing everything you can to grow and make things better, the other person might actually be the problem. See: abusive relationships. No amount of change on your part is going to fix the fact that you’re being abused.

  16. Keeping secrets, envy, long distance,jealousy,lies and infidelities are major threats to most marriages and relationships and it is important to be smart not to trust 100% when dealing with our partners. Yes, I know the importance of trusting but that same trust can hurt you so much and don’t forget the saying that once a cheater is always a cheater. I’m glad that cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone. I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and 2 years far back deleted messages from my phone through a programmed link to a cloned app containing all cloned cell information without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in California USA is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all deleted and recent chats on his Whatsapp, Twitter,Facebook,Instagram and Skype. You can contact this great hacker “Gavin” via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.

  17. This TEDx Talks feels exactly as a class in school by the teacher with new ideas but just slamming them against the old ones.

  18. What a beautiful TED Talk. I wish there were more than one likes, I would definitely give. Loved the ideas. Thank you 🥰🥰♥♥

  19. Plenty of contaddictions on this video. She sees a compromise in a negative way: where both sides loose. Why?

  20. Is it just me or do none of her ideas seem new? If you had listed all those "old model" points and said this is the way to a happy marriage I could have told you you’re wrong, and I’m far less qualified to talk about it than she is. Do people seriously think they should be happy about everything in their marriage and keep score against their partner? No wonder the divorce rates in the west are so high. So many people read the Corinthians verse at their wedding "love is patient love is kind, it does not envy, does not boast, does not keep count of wrongdoing". That’s millennia old so how can she present this as an " update"? It’s the same common sense ideas. I have never seen a successful marriage/long-term relationship where people followed her ‘old model’. Is it just me that’s thinking this?

  21. How is compromising a bad idea? In my relationship we both make it work and listen to each other. When we compromise, we both feel happy and close to each other. Btw, finding what both of you want to watch is in fact a compromise. There are different ways of compromising. Being able to talk to each other and listen without judgement is also a form of compromising. This lady is only talking about one version of compromising and she’s talking about a failed compromise, not exactly how compromising actually works.

  22. Brothers and sisters: You were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light, for light produces every kind of goodness and righteousness and truth. Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them, for it is shameful even to mention the things done by them in secret; but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says: “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”
    The Word of the Lord… Thanks be to God!


  23. Here’s the idea: Marriage licence should expire after 7 years(or something like that..). Every 7 years people should be able to "renew" their marriage, or if they don’t want to, marriage will be finished. That way people will knew that eventually will be done, spare people a lot of hurt, they can expect it…I mean it would still hurt, but would be more bearable.

  24. Man… comment section in this video was 7 years ago… think … situations is really bad now…
    People are so independent and individual that no one want to live in the families…
    No-one want to sacrifice there life for spouse/childrens…
    In this modern technology era people are so materialistic… just wait for A.I. it will definitely change definition of love and relationship.

    That most people will die alone…
    Most people will pay Nurses to die in their arms…

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