Marriage Counseling: Stop Arguing – The 3 "Y's"

Marriage Counseling: Stop Arguing – The 3 "Y's"

TOPIC: Marriage Counseling: Three Secrets to Stop Arguing – the Three “Y’s”

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Tonight: Three Secrets to Stop Arguing! (While still getting your point across.)

The Three “Ys”

Yes, I see…I’m listening

You think that…I’m understanding

You’re right…I’m validating you and your viewpoint.
(I may not agree at all, but I am willing to know and respect your views. AND, there is probably more here for me to learn. AND, If I were you, I’d likely think that way, too.)

Only then can we open the doorway and expect the other person to be willing to see our viewpoint.

DIALOGUE…NOT TELLING: Then you can have a conversation where both people fully participate rather than having two monologues of telling.

HANDOUTS: You can request the Listening Quiz and the handouts I provided by sending me an email at


6:58 RedRoom-930986: hello
7:00 RedRoom-930986: Tonight: Three Secrets to Stop Arguing!
7:01 RedRoom-930986: (While still getting your point across.)
7:01 RedRoom-930986: Welcome from Heather!
7:07 RedRoom-930986: Listening Quiz – just email me at
7:21 RedRoom-930986: Yes – I see
7:21 RedRoom-930986: You think that…
7:22 RedRoom-930986: You’re right…
7:22 RedRoom-930986: Three “Ys”
7:23 RedRoom-543844: If I disagree, how can I be honest by saying, “You’re right.”
7:27 RedRoom-930986: You think – VALIDATION!
7:40 RedRoom-543844: If I disagree, how can I be honest by saying, “You’re right.”
7:42 RedRoom-543844: When he says, “I don’t drink too much”.
7:43 RedRoom-543844: How can I say You’re right. ?
7:47 RedRoom-543844: I see, so will it still work to say, “You’re right from your viewpoint”
7:48 RedRoom-543844: If I said that, he’d say, “That’s right” and keep on drinking.
7:54 RedRoom-930986: Email me for “Cushion Statements.”
7:55 RedRoom-930986:
8:00 RedRoom-543844: very helpful
8:00 RedRoom-543844: Thank you
8:01 RedRoom-543844: sounds like the real key is the phrase, “from your viewpoint”
8:01 RedRoom-543844: I need to remember that too
8:02 RedRoom-543844: thank you Heather

WEBSITE: For more information, visit my website at


  1. Those word really do work.  You will truly see, the heart of the person.  For example, my spouse always ask me to stop yelling.  I let him know that I sought out how to repair our marriage, by meeting his need. He got defense, and I simple stated, Yes, I understand that you dont like the reason why, I found  a way to meet the need that you wanted, and asked aren’t you glad that, i did find it for both of us to help our marriage. He stated yes, and his demeanor turn  positive.

  2. Very long video that gets so boring and gets tangled up in explanations. This is….this way, because…..and LOOOONG mind boggling explanation follows.

  3. I am not criticizing your METHOD, but how you r explaining it. It’s enough to give a short intro to the method – 1.what it does and how it’s different from other methods 2.DESCRIBE the method (no explanation is necessary); 3.Last step can review method and offer some explanation (I would stop video at that last boring step). I am familiar with the first step – 1. Says yes and it doesn’t mean u agree but yes I acknowledge 2.Instead of YOU as step 2, I would just offer my reasoning.

  4. I do no not like arguing its not productive and its frustration. May I have your listening worksheet.

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