Married But Separated – How Long Can We Last Like This?

Married But Separated – How Long Can We Last Like This?

The wife dropped the big bombshell like it happens often. I agreed for a separation. I moved out, we’re going six months. Periodically, I’ll ask her, how are things? She keeps saying, “I still haven’t really figured out my life yet.” I’ve come to the draw the line of the sand. I’m guessing I’m going to give it a full year. I was just wanting to know, is there a normal time frame period of a separation? We talk quite a bit, 5-6 times a week, go out on little dates, things like that. I still help out with the family things but I just seem to think, if she’s so adamant about a divorce, why hasn’t she filed? If you’re that bent on doing it, you’re already almost at six months, you haven’t done it yet. So, I gave you your time and your space. How long do you think is long enough? I’m going to give it a year. That’ll be this October. Do you think it should go past that?

Unfortunately, Steve, there is no definite time frame that we would recommend, like it’s this long or whatever else. If I may ask, why did she want you to move out? Why did she want to separate?

Basically, she just said, “I wanted a divorce” and I thought, “okay, if she wanted a divorce, why would I need to still live here?”

Do you know why she wanted a divorce? I mean, what was the reason?

She said there was like no emotional connection. She didn’t feel connected to me or maybe I didn’t relate to her enough when she would she would reach out over a year and try to talk to me. I had some issues I was dealing with and got over them. I’ve noticed since this whole separation, we’re communicating like how it used to be the first 5-6 years of us being together. I know all marriages, it takes two for things to either grow or grow apart. I believe that through time we’ve made a lot of progress in reconnecting in our communication skills, that’s where my biggest things I was always proud of of us. It wasn’t like I was asking for a magical time frame, but I’ve just wondered do you think I’m on the right path? I’m still giving her time and space. I know she’s dated a few guys.

It sounds to me like it’s going in the right direction. What I heard you say was not only are you talking 4-5 times a week. You actually use the word dates like you’re going on many dates. Did I hear that correctly?


So, it looks like it looks things may be headed in a good direction. When you say, “why hasn’t she filed a divorce yet?” Obviously I can’t answer that question for you because I don’t know her and I wouldn’t know how to answer that. If we’re going just by what you’re telling me, it appears that you guys are actually making progress. You’re actually moving forward. If you were going to ask about a time frame, what we would typically recommend. Obviously, it’s your decision, but what we would typically recommend is this, as long as you’re making progress, then why not continue to make the progress? If it takes six months, it takes a year, whatever, if you’re actually making progress and that’s what you’re telling me, at least that’s what I’m hearing. I’m hearing you say that you are making progress, right?

Yes. Yes. I believe we are. I believe she does too. I know it’s a two-way street. A lot of times she’ll call me basically when she needs some things done. She’s got a couple of adult children living there, they don’t pull their weight, but you know what? I’ve always told her, “you’re my wife, this is my family. I will provide the best way I know how with all my means capable.” Again, I just thought by reaching out to you folks, because I really, really enjoy the direction of the advice of that the message you have on all your videos. That’s what directed me to tried to make the call about this.

Well, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t be thinking about an end date. If I were in your shoes, I’d be saying, “let’s just continue to make this progress.” It sounds good to me. It really does. Now. Obviously I can’t guarantee you.

I appreciate that. Right. There’s no crystal ball. It’s like, I’m the only one fighting for this marriage, but I get that. That happens a lot with this type of a situation, doesn’t it?

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  1. My wife wrote me a letter, I think explaining how I don’t listen to her enough or something. I don’t know, I really wasn’t paying attention.

  2. I’m no professional but I’d say the lady wanted a divorce because he’s too nice and always talks over her.

  3. I held on as long as I could. My wife finally just payed for a lawyer and is forcing my hand in the divorce. I’m not going to fight it anymore. I told her I will sign without a fight and it actually helped ease bad feelings towards us. Maybe this is what we need for future reconciliation. Let go and support her. Trust God.

  4. Ok I have to be honest. I’m really annoyed! It seems most of these people are on the same path already. I don’t have kids or a business together. I’m separated and estranged. I don’t want a divorce. I’ve been dysregulated and I’m gay. What about people in my shoes???

  5. My husband had many affairs during our long separation, once reconciled I found out about them. They were both emotional and physical, actually moved one in with him. I have a hard time understanding why he felt he could do that without a divorce and why he didn’t he just divorce me. Is it okay for wife/husband to have affairs during a separation? I felt married and couldn’t even go on a date, although I was asked.

  6. I feel like the caller is too attached to the outcome. He just needs to focus on living the best life and making the improvements in that life.

  7. I’m in this man’s same shoes! (We don’t have "adult kids" living at home) One year to seperate! Praying for "Steve" his wife and his reconciled marriage. Those "adult," kids need to get out on thier own! She is still enabling her "kids!" Time for her vows, to her husband to take priority?!

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