Surviving Divorce: David Sbarra at TEDxTucson 2012

Surviving Divorce: David Sbarra at TEDxTucson 2012

David A. Sbarra, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Arizona where he serves as Director of Clinical Training. Dr. Sbarra teaches advanced graduate courses in psychotherapy, he is the author of numerous research papers and book chapters concerning divorce, stress, coping, and both mental and physical health. In addition to his is work as a professor of psychology, Dr. Sbarra maintains a small clinical practice in Tucson.

David’s TEDx talk describes his latest research on divorce and healing in the aftermath of marital separation. Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce, and David’s research is illuminating new ways to promote recovery after this stressful life event.

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

50 Comments

  1. Thanks, Doc. Needed to hear a lot of that, and I feel like I am on the right track. I have my journal next to the laptop. I brood, and I write. Learned that’s a no-no.

  2. I did and still do believe in marriage although i was thru a very bad divorce and BESET with 5 other huge
    tragedys at the SAME time.
    Thru the ashes of a huge outa control fire,it still took a decade to get on track
    Everyones different and grieve/ suppress differently.
    Despite it all its about being with the right person, the communication but i believe the level or complete TRUST is most important.
    Trust and truth go hand in hand,they both build many positive emotions and you never have to remember what you said.
    Hang in there anyone in pain

  3. This is actually a very helpful talk. Thank you. Sleep is critical. I play a lot of sleep music with rain sounds to help me sleep these days. It was so important to admit I wasn’t alone…and that no one prepared me for this. That on its own was self compassion.

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  6. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it and now I believe the saying that “The Truth Will Set You Free” cos I feel better and free now after knowing the truth. I got help from Cyber Hack as he helped cloned my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work , all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone .I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this great Hacker David via email (cyberhack003@gmail.com) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744

  7. I am going through the divorce now and the things mentioned in the video are easier said than done, especially the advice about the sleep sucks 😀 I guess it also depends on who initiates the divorce, in my case I was the one who was left behind and my soon to be ex is happy and in a new relationship already. I could not sleep well for a couple of weeks until I saw a doctor and got pills few days ago. But I am trying to be more compassionate with myself and stop blaming myself for everything. And just today, I decided to start viewing my divorce as a blessing and told God I trust his actions and plans with me. I believe time will show why certain things happen the way they do…

  8. He is so so correct about sleep!! When i don’t get good sleep, my propensity to go into infinite loops of negative thought is several times higher.

  9. Dear diary,
    My ex was a skank. She got pregnant a month after I left for deployment with a guy who was 60 years old (I was 32 at the time).

    I battled back and retired at 38….I win! MGTOW monk for life!

  10. What you have no one to go to? I went through divorce and had to pull myself together on my own. There was no one and I had to protect my son and be strong for him. I had to navigate alone and deal with a tough job. It had no safety net. This is the reality for so many people too.

  11. DIVIDE AND CONQUER !!!
    Why all the family courts are against man in every country?
    The agenda for the global government is to weakening the families, so the population can be controlled easily.
    Destroy the father, destroy the family !!!

  12. After five years of marriage I realized that the key to a long lasting marriage is good finance. We’ve been distracted with work and work and no time for each other till I heard of this lady on the radio talking about how saving money saved her marriage. She mentioned a financial advisor who I googled and discovered. Now we’re paying for our family vacation without losing sleep and we’ve never been stronger as a family

  13. My husband divorce me said he is doing business and mash up his family for green card 30yrs he is 64yrs oh my God

  14. I am concerned will my wife be entitled to my pension ,ok so I have not actually met my future wife ,but I am sure when we do I will eventually hate her and split

  15. I have always suspected my wife was cheating on me. We have been married for 12 years now and its been a smooth ride until last year when she changed and started seeing other men. A friend of mine linked me up with a great hacker ultimate Hack who helped me hack into her phone, I had complete access to her phone right on my device and I could monitor all her activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, her location, call logs, text messages and all. I was left with no other choice.I loved my wife so much and I just dont know why she chose to betray me, I have been a good husband and never for once cheated on her. I tracked her down to a hotel where I found her with another man . You can contact them at ultimatehack003 at gmail or Whatsapp +17202954268 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into her phone without even touching her phone.I have enough evidence against my wife now and I am thinking of Filing for divorce. I want advice from men and other women on here, should I give her another chance because of our kids or file for divorce ? We have a 9 months old baby

  16. Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it has become a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work , all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this great Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744

  17. For guys considering filing for divorce. The whole process nearly killed me, but in the end it was the best decision I ever made. Female on male psychological abuse is real, and very dangerous. If you are considering it, and your spouse isn’t willing to get help, then my advice is that it’s time to bail.

  18. This isn’t very helpful…. get sleep without drugs… hmmm? Don’t journal… put off feeling until later? Are you kidding? He stated things that need to happen… basically get over it. But how?? I would suggest a few things to all of you. 1. Start exercising DAILY! 2. Talk with trusted friends, but not co-workers or family. 3. Get a message if you can once a month. 4. Don’t start a new romantic relationship until you feel really ready. 5. Try to get some time to spend alone and away from people outside your home. It will take time to start to heal and it you may never be the same again. One thing he said is true; many many people go through this. So, don’t beat yourself up. Move ahead cautiously and realize that your head isn’t in the right place to make big decisions. Don’t go out there making bad decisions that you might regret. Take care. I feel for you. THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!!!!!

  19. I am currently going through divorce with my husband of 9 years. It literally feels like death. The betrayal and all of this has seriously given me PTSD. I expected for my husband and I to be together forever and this happened! He was the only man I have been with. He just turned into a nightmare because of our issues. I was not innocent in all of this but I would have never thought of cheating on him like he did to me. The first time it happened I said ok we can get through this. But he turned it into a habit and said he wanted a divorce. He had it in his mind for a while that he wanted to leave and he finally did it. Everyone tells me its not my fault and he has personal issues but I still struggle with the guilt of feeling like I was a bad wife. I also deal with the guilt of loving someone that doesn’t even respect me. When we first got married he was the most loving and kindest person. I thank God we have no children in this ordeal. I hate myself for still loving him and wanting to work this out. I have the support at my fingertips emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But I need a lot of work. I have nightmares, i cant sleep, i have mental images of him being intimate with other women racing through my head and I starting to find myself becoming bitter. I pray so hard to just get through the day and to block these thoughts. I have never in my life gone through anything so devastating and heartbreaking!

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  21. I am absolutely sick going through my divorce. My ex is a severe alcoholic and it seems like nobody in the system is holding her accountable for her behavior as a mother. Everyone is holding me accountable for protecting my son from her. It cost 12000 dollars to have a limited supervised access schedule put in place and the kicker is that children’s aid already revoked her privilege to be alone with him. Because I was in the home there was no court order leaving me to pay to get it done. And as an honest man i got screwed going up against a pretty little lyer in court. Shame on the system.

  22. Survivorship guilt is relevant as a parent sure, but what about the children who feel guilty but aren’t? What now seems relevant but is it a different approach for someone who has never had a lover?

  23. The only thing more sadistic than marriage is re-marriage.

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  25. Curious what makes David Sbarra an expert on Surviving Divorce? Try it sometime and then try your advice. Guarantee your going to delete this video afterwards.

  26. Have you guys checked out this guy omer yahav at Alexghacklord@gmail. COM a cyber guru, involved with cloning phones, hacked into my ex’s gmail and facebook, what let me knowing she was infidel and also gave my nephew some really outstanding school scores which he upgraded himself, cool way to have financial freedom as well. Get your bank blank atm cards which could debit money from any atm machine. Bank transfers and wire transfers as well as Paypal jobs, hes that good, had to make him my personal hacker. You could mail him as well if you got issues, he’s as discreet and professional too. He’s kinda picky though so make mention of the reference. Brackett referred you. Your welcome

  27. Wow. This guy is amazingly clueless. I usually find Ted Talks rather beneficial or interesting. This guy is on another planet and clearly knows nothing about what divorce is like. I found absolutely nothing in this to be of value. I want my 9:14 back.

  28. After my ex file for divorce in May, she was already sleeping with someone else in August, after 12 year marriage and 2 kids.

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  30. So helpful to hear advice from men gone through the process. Gives me hope that I can GROW through this too!

  31. Wife told me 2 weeks ago today that she no longer loves me and wants a divorce and to move out, married 9 yrs..didn’t see it coming..i am a mess..no job..no home anymore..just lost..feeling hopeless..

  32. Thank you. I am sending this to my sister in hopes that she can pull herself up before she loses her children. She has the sleep like a baby part down, but that is all she is doing. I’m so worried about her.

  33. I used to think singlehood was reserved for a special portion of the population. People who had a lot to do with their lives and were best forging ahead on their own. Now, I strongly hold the view that it is marriage that is for a special few. People who can remain loyal throughout all the changes their partners will go through in the years. People who are incredibly selfless. This is to say, if you know you have even one selfish bone in Your body, DO NOT GET MARRIED.

  34. you know when you want to divorce and be done well you cant do that with my ex in law family they wont leave you alone. its like were divorced now you guys turned out to be the biggest chauvinist pigs the whole clan never hope to see you guys again

  35. I believe trust in relationship is overrated. After my husband was always making calls at night , I would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant.I couldn’t deal with all his lies anymore at some point. Then I decided to find a way to know what was going on and I had to talk to a colleague of mine at work which referred me to this great hacking team ultimate hack who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch his device. To my surprise my husband has been a cheating Narcissist. and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location , WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages both recent and deleted ones with a remote link that was processed . I’m here in New York and was able to access my husband’s phone even while he was away in Australia cheating on me. I was heartbroken when I found out about all the conversation my husband was having with other girls and how he was flirting on dating site. I am glad I was able to get help. you can contact them via email at ultimatehack003(at)gmail com or via WhatsApp,text or call +1(720) 295-4268 now i have enough evidence to go through divorce but I’m not sure if I should let him go or stay cause we have 4 years old girl together. Please I need advice to know if I should just let him go

  36. I don’t have or feel any kind of pleasure I want to die that’s all I think about, I have pulled myself back together I got my job back with a raise?! I’m back on top of the world and still I don’t want to have anything to do with it all

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