Surviving Divorce Webinar Series: Grieving
The divorce recovery process is tough. There is hope. You will get through this. This video discusses the grieving process as it relates to divorce.
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Thank you this really help me. It has been more than a year for me to get to acceptance but there are still times that I still experience some of the other emotions, it is just in passing though. But still they come even when there is acceptance
Excellent video, thank you. I have been completely devastated by my husband leaving our 26 year marriage through an affair. The shock around discovering the affair was a sledge hammer in itself, let alone grieving all the losses you spoke about so accurately here.
I had fitted my life and work around my husbands work and raising our children, a value we both shared and agreed to, thinking that I’d get back to full time work when they were older.
My family unit is now broken into a 50/50 care arrangement which I find tortuous. I have found that this arrangement changes the relationships with the children too which I don’t find is often spoken about.
He has taken me to court to hurry along the sale of our family home. I tried to make a case for economic disparity due to division of roles (as he now earns 6x more than me due to being able to focus solely on his career over the years of child raising) yet we have to provide the same outgoings for our children.
As we have little equity in our house the court said that though the disparity was clear, they could not see him walk away with just a small amount of the property division- even though he can completely recover himself in minimal years, whereas I never can due to my age now, all evidenced in an actuary’s report.
The court said unfortunately it was unfair! It certainly is unjust. They said if we had more equity in the house it would be a different conversation.
The only thing I can’t agree on in this video is the knowledge that I am going to survive, this is my new reality and that things will be ok. That is not my experience at all. My financial future looks impossible and clouded by a blackness of emotional despair.
I think it is perhaps the same or worse to losing someone to death as with divorce and especially if you have children, you often have to still see your ex and witness their happiness and their moving on with a new partner- not even the affair partner!
Thank you very much for your video ! It is IMO very spot on. One thing I would add when you mention all the multiple losses that you face, is that you – in some way – lose also your "past", especially if your marriage/relationship was long. I think for example: next year I will be 50 and not many months ago I was thinking about the birthday party with a video of the "highlights" of my life… but now: the celebration will definitely not be the same and that video does not "make sense" anymore 🙁
Greg, thank you for your words of wisdom. I’m in the anger stage of grieving. I think I may skip the bargaining step 🙂 . I’m confident the principles you’ve presented are going to help me coping with this awful pain and hurt.
This video most accurately describes what divorcees experience. Ive listened to it multiple times already. I was divorced this year by the one person i thought i could count on for the rest of my life. We were together 15 years. There were alot of ups and downs, but i never stopped loving her. And supposedly she never stopped loving me. The losses dont stop once you file the papers. Ive lost friends, connections, security, faith, confidence, and my overall sanity. I always saw marriage as forever. Unfortunately, i see many people (mostly women) walking away from thier marriages these days. Aside from all the other losses, the lost time is the worst. A year later, and after being thrust into the dating scene, and at certain points poverty, i fail to see my life ever improving. I sleep most of my free time away and hope to just not wake up to my current solitary life of misery…
Some of it was good some of it not so good. It’s a whole different ballgame when ots dealing with a narcissist. You reflect on the marriage and it is revealing lots of these losses you speak of shared dreams etc never existed in the first place. They had their agenda
July 3 will be 26years for us and it’s like you know exactly how i feel. Betrayal is one of the hardest issues i am dealing with.
I believe going through a divorce is worse than a toothache it’s worse than having hot ass needles digging in ur skin, it’s worse than having a baby
Inside I feel ok cause I done nothing wrong on him he is one who cheated and spending money on girls and treated like a fool now his divorsing me and paint me black his on it cause I am waiting for him and I dont want anything to do with him anymore I was suffering while a have a husband and left me sick when he came back he expected hot food
You mentioned when you bargain that we are not addressing what led up to the divorce in the first place . But what if alcoholism contributed to the end of the marriage and I made a condition that he has to quit drinking for a time before I can consider staying together ?
I believe I was a equal factor in problems. Drinking and attitude. So it’s hard when you feel like its on you. But it was a failing marriage, I just never knew it was ever going to end…thats where my loneliness came from knowing we will no longer do things together, or hold hands in our sleep. Terrible. But this guy was on it with everything he said, thanks for the video, sometimes it feels like I’m the only one going through this and it’s not true.
Yes, the process is excruciatingly painful and I cannot do this on my own. Sometimes I just cry for days on end. Hope I heal and maybe find love again.
This is soooo helpful to me! I found myself if full anger and wanting revenge, wanting to commit violence bc of the lies and the betrayal etc. I needed this tonight. God bless you
18 yrs . 16yr old Son alienated by mom…no see 8 mths ..unfounded protec orders..fam court stuff…..awful!!!
Would do anything ton fix. Daily pain.6 months in.
He promised me that he was different than any man I’ve known in my life. He said marriage was forever. He said til death do us part. For better or for worse he said.
On November 17th I was served his petition for divorce at my job in front of all my employees and colleagues. My world was obliterated. I am devastated.
I have made excuses for him for 44 years. I was a broken kid when he found me and he capitalized on that, having no self esteem and no confidence I was convinced that I was lucky he tolerated me. It hasn’t been a total waste because I have 3 daughters and 7 grandchildren, but it’s time to move on. I deserve better than this😂
33 years of marriage – we have lost a child to death, lost jobs, lost health, now lost wife. Have no $ and feeling like suicidal thoughts really make sense
Thank yo for this video, I’ve been listening to it for about 2 weeks to just remind myself that it’s going to be okay
25 years together, she left me for someone else. I’m frozen, broke, my friends are mostly gone, I’ve no idea where I’m going to live. She blames me for a range of things but accepts no responsibility for anything, the usual litany of pain and broken trust. I view this as ridiculous and horrifying but suppose it’s better she did it now rather than in 10 years. It amazes me that I thought I knew this person and she took such a hard left turn, lied about the marriage, accused me of things I never did, and that I was so conditioned by her that I feel like I’m coming out of some nightmarish Kafka novel.
Thank you for assuring us that we are all at our own healing pace and timeline
What stage is after you accept it and have a firery revenge?
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6 years in….im still lost. Still searching for myself. Still alone. Still fantasizing about " what if " . Regrets. Loneliness . Fear of never loving again. I am broken in so many ways its indescribable. Does love even exists? Do i still exist? Call me crazy and fuck statistics but i was in for the long run. Expectations kills . Expectations is the problem. We only have have one thing …..ourselves.
He was the one who cheated and abused by giving me STD, and when I decided to divorce and still in the process .. why am I feeling this guilty of why my marriage ends..
I have to sign the papers in a few hours…I’m dying inside…. I just got out of the hospital from trying to kill myself…but I’m still here…feeling this pain
In my opinion I do not believe anyone can prove me wrong in saying the absolute greatest of a things lost in a divorce is time
A man can make more money buy most items he lost in the divorce but no man in all of human history can get pack lost time
The time men loose and waisted in a failed marriage is absolutely without doubt the greatest most valuable most precious and utterly irreplaceable of all things lost in a divorce and the only thing that can not be replaced or reclaimed
I can not possibly imagine anything that hits a man harder in a divorce especially a bitter regret filled divorce than when a man realizes he essentially utterly waisted 30-50% of his life spent in a failed marriage.
This is very helpful, so healing 🌸
Thank u… I truly need to hear this 😔👍🏿
She kept the lots and left my arse on the street after 23 years together !
I am having trouble healing .
Excellent
Truths
Every single thing Greg said applies to me. My ex left me within 3 day notice. She contemplating divorce 1 year prior. Did not tell me she was not happy with me.
She has a new boyfriend, 50% custody of our kids, newly built home by her parents. I have just a tiny apartment. Barely getting by. Most of my friends left me.
This was excellent food for thought.
I go through each of these stages once a week. For about a year now. We’re not divorced yet, but I filled last week. She’s not coming back.
Thanks Greg.
I was married for five years, and during that five years, we were separated for 2 and 1/2 years. We have a four year old daughter. I’ve been divorced for four months. Two months before the divorce, we went to a counselor. I would have done anything to not get a divorce-I had become a doormat. It appeared no matter how many times I said yes, my ex became more enraged. Finally, I made the decision to get the divorce, everyone was surprised. He had his own home, own life, and obviously hated me. The counselor told me to set a boundary. I attended DivorceCare two days before the divorce. It was a great support system. I feel good for most part because my ex manipulated me, always blamed me, had me in a state of confusion and crying. But sometimes I wonder what happened? Why didn’t he respect me? Why did he blamed me when he left and appeared so happy with me out of his life? I lost a marriage, but I gained a second chance on life.
Wow this has helped me through my divorce. I have a long way to go but have tried to save the marriage offering counseling and all but I can say I’m happy we’re divorcing. I still experiences some of the phases of the grieving process but didn’t realize how healthy I’ve gone about the divorce until I seen this video.
I am dealing with depression
Thanks for sharing. Helped
I’m the one who did the harming and I lost a beautiful amazing wife and a family. Regret cuts deep
He divorced me thrice at once ,i wil carry this pain with me forever,he inflicted upon me a deep wound which is not going to heal ,Allah may his parents ,his family who contributed towards my death rot in hel forever
Thank u for this video. It is so helpful
This is great video it’s been 2 yrs I feel like I’m still grieving as it was 9 yr relationship
Just thank for the upload
This was very, very good thank you. Glad you pointed out all the things that you mentioned because I haven’t even been separated yet and I’m already grieving only because I know this is finally actually it. It’s hard to just get through the mindset of it and we have 2 children together, married 10 years and dates since I was 18 years old. We grew together but on separate paths. I’m very scared and already am experiencing anxiety and slight depression
I’m 65 years old, have been married 30 years, have son and daughter as 16 year old twins. Divorced today and it feels like losing a loved one to death. Grieving and crying off and on all day. Hopefully, will eventually get focused to my coming changes. It’s tough at any age, but at 65 it’s tough. Tough thing is I still care for her and just can’t figure out what happened to our marriage recently.
There’s a thing not mentioned here and I think is key base on my own personal experience going through this process for almost two years, and is this feeling of loneliness and isolation thinking at all times that you aren’t good enough for anyone else out there because suddenly your dreams and plans for the future disappeared. Deciding to let go after 20 years of marriage have been really hard for me even I knew was going to happen years before when I was trying my best to save my marriage. Thank you.
10And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
11And he said unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commits adultery against her.
12And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery.
(Mark 10:10-12)
18Whosoever puts away his wife, and marries another, commits adultery: and whosoever marries her that is put away from her husband commits adultery. (Luke 16:18)
2For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he lives; but if the husband dies, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
3So then if, while her husband lives, she is married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband dies, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she is married to another man. (Romans 7:2-3)
19Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, impurity, licentiousness,
20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, strife, jealousy, wrath, selfishness, divisions, heresies,
21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such like: of which I tell you beforehand, as I have also told you in time past, that they who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19-21)
by the time the divorce has happened I had already gine through thos 5 stages. But im having guilt 2 weeks after divorce. I get these things in my head like if I had done this or that maybe I would never had gotten divorced
‘it’s more than the divorce that you grieve’. Married nearly 25 years. This makes sense right now…thinking i’d be ‘over it’ a few months later but still grieving and adjusting to all of the major life changes. Loss of companionship, family, trust, hope, dreams, sense of direction, finances, etc.. It’s actually quite a lot to deal with. I’m going to be easier on myself and not rush the healing/adjusting. I don’t know what I’d do without my faith in God.