The 5 Stages of Divorce

The 5 Stages of Divorce

This Vlog is about my recent journey through Divorce. I break it down to the “5 stages of Grief” and talk about my experience with

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and then Acceptance…

This in no way reflects the vast experiences that each, individual person faces when going through a breakup, separation and divorce. This is a summary of my own experiences and how I arrived on the other side of divorce as a new, whole person.

I hope this resonates with women who are feeling lonely, ashamed, guilty or lost during their own divorce- wherever you are in the process.

Please message me and ask me any questions you may have on this subject. My heart goes out to you and I want you to know that you’re not alone.

xoxo
Lavenda

Resources And Articles:

The Five Stages of Grief™️


http://www.livestrong.com/article/126120-five-stages-grief-divorce/

http://www.everydayhealth.com/hs/major-depression/ask-for-help/

Music: http://www.bensound.com

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Music: http://www.bensound.com

50 Comments

  1. Hi Lavenda,
    did the anti depressants work for you? and did you have to take them for a while?

  2. Hi my name is Amanda Amanda I was married for years until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argument almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me. she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… This great baba mukuru did special prayers and other things he had to do… Within 2days my wife called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, she moved back to the house and we continue to live happily. what a wonderful miracle baba mukuru and the faith I had in him did for me and my family. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… I strongly believe someone out there need’s his help. so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it’s truly worth it. contact him Via email on (margaretjuliet47@gmail.com)
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  3. Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Be safe.

  4. Going through separation and soon divorce with my husband. This has helped me. I am just taking one hour at a time right now. Thank so much for sharing this.

  5. You’ve saved me. I cannot thank you enough. My story is mine. And we are we. And for that I already love you. And I subscribed. I appreciate you so much! 🥰

  6. I continue to look for honest advice and feedback from other’s who have experienced something similar. I am struggling on the path forward and would love to hear from others. Long story short, for almost 18 years, I have been married to someone who has narcissistic traits. Our marriage has been struggling for a few years now; about 2 months ago we attended our 19th marriage counseling session together. At that session I told my wife that somehow our marriage needs to drastically get better quickly, or I feel we need pull the plug and end our marriage since we have been going to marriage counseling for far longer than we probably should have been going; and not much, if anything, improved. Part of me was hopeful that this was going to be the warning shot and my wife would finally hear me; that she would finally understand that I am done with the narcissistic type of behavior, done with the mean comments, the high level of control, and being made out to feel like I am never doing the right thing, never doing it quickly enough, etc. Unfortunately, the few weeks after that counselling sessions things did not improve, they actually seemed worse. For example, one morning I started her car so it was warm for her when she left for work (which I do for her quite often). I wasn’t looking for a pat on the back, but she very rudely said “oh, thank you so much for everything you do”. One day I went and bought a snow shovel and salted and cleaned the ice from the sidewalk. Instead of getting any type of thanks or appreciation, she told me that it is so interesting that I had time to go to Dollar General (which is about 3 miles from our house) and buy a new shovel and salt. I got criticized for doing laundry and putting in on ‘her side’ of the bed and not having it moved off of the bed so she could lay down at night without having to touch laundry. I got criticized for having the space heater on in the living room. I got criticized for eating all the lasagna; when in fact I put it in a Tupperware container so she could take it in her lunch. I got questioned on going for a walk along the river. It was just relentless verbal attacks. By no means am I a perfect husband, I am far from it, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but I have always tried to be loving and supportive and take care of her and our kids. I have dealt with this type of narcissistic behavior for a very long time. Just another example, I recently learned why I was in severe pain for a couple of days this past summer; I was passing a 6mm kidney stone. While I was in pain, I got in a hot bath to try and alleviate some of the pain. I recall vividly her making a mean comment that I was in the bath while she was doing something for the kids. I have agonized over the decision for many months, and probably years now, but about 5 weeks ago I asked for divorce and have been moved out since that time. She said it wasn’t fair and that I blindsided her, even though we have attended those 19 marriage counseling sessions together; I reluctantly agreed to separation for now. For the last five weeks, I have been buried in loving texts, pictures of our kids and of some fun memories in the past, she sent me the wedding song that we danced too, she has been sending me quotes from the bible, she asked that I listen to various books on making marriages work, etc; she asked that I meet with our Deacon at church and attend a church marriage weekend retreat. She has buried me in a variety of, what I would consider ‘tactics’, to try and get me back home; she has thrown our vows in my face multiple times and said that I am destroying the kids by moving out. I have been holding strong and have not caved by moving back in; recently she has been all over the board with her comments and emotions. Seems silly talking about, but we own a car and a truck. For the last 5 weeks I have drove the truck and she has had the car. Roughly a week ago she said she wants the truck, which is no problem, but I asked her why; she said she doesn’t need to answer why, she just wants it. She said she plans on keeping the truck for a few weeks since its not fair that I got to drive it for a few weeks (I don’t know the intentions of this, other than some form of power play, or maybe knowing if she has the truck, I won’t be able to use it to do things I enjoy). She also seems to be getting controlling with the kids; she told me that I am the one who decided to leave them, so its not fair for me to ever get both of our kids overnight while she is alone, since she didn’t decide to leave. I reminded her that I didn’t leave the kids, that I only left her. Shortly after making these types of comments, she follows up with a load of very nice loving texts. This is all extremely hard for me, because she occasionally acts nice and says she is willing to try and change, but seems all over the place with her comments and emotions; I’m afraid I will fall back into the trap. Over the last few days she has attempted to be nice, although almost to the point of smothering because I have asked for time and space, but she seems to refuse to give that to me. Here recently she has been very frequently saying “I Love You”; almost over using the words. She has made multiple attempts to try and be affectionate, which in a normal circumstance would be fine, but not after we are separated. I worry greatly about our kids, I feel she is subjecting them to a ton of sadness and possibly emotional manipulation, with the intentions being of playing the victim card in front of the kids and trying to make them feel bad for her and make me out to look like the bad guy (she told me she is always crying in front of the kids…and even yesterday when I saw her she cried multiple times in front of the kids). Even though I asked for divorce, I still do not wish her unhappiness; I just want everyone to get along and be nice and supportive with everyone. To make matters even more frustrating, recently she told me she was offered a job in Michigan (about 5 hours from where we currently live in Ohio). I am settled here in Ohio now, have a good job here, etc. I am happy for her that she was offered the job, I know that is more what she wants to do versus her current job, so that part makes me happy; but come on, wanting to relocate now while we are separated. I feel like she is doing everything she can to try and make things difficult for me, especially with our 2 kids. It’s just very inconsistent, it can change by the day, or even by the hour; sometimes she is sweet and nice, then there are plenty of moments of comments and actions that just aren’t nice. I’m struggling on the path forward, so any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

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  8. I’m very sorry, we have these high expectations but you didn’t fail, just be the best mother you can be, your daughter wants to be like you, esteems you and gives you unconditional love, all we can do is the best with what we have, I will tell you for a fact, it’s better to leave when children are little. Discern the people you want to be with and bring in your life and grow. Only good things and I wish you the best.🧡🙏

  9. Thank you. We just filed. I am so scared right now. Thank you for sharing your experience with me it truly gave me some insight. Thank you for opening up like that you’re an amazing woman. I hope you have a beautiful day🌞🙏

  10. This is literally what I am going through right now. It’s been 7 years and nothing has changed. He’s a serial cheater and does absolutely nothing for me but provide for me and our son. I caught him cheating again after we got back together from a separation and close divorce where HE begged for me to make it work again. He finally told me he’s done and wants the divorce, how he is unhappy and it will never get better and although I know deep in my heart he is right and I want the same thing, it’s so painful. I can’t eat or sleep.

  11. Hi Lavenda, I know this was many years ago and I hope you’re still on your journey to healing. I just wanted to comment that Brene Brown says that it is OK, and in fact important, to allow our children to see us struggle. This normalizes struggle and provides them a model for coping.

  12. its not weird to cry. you don’t have to justify it nor laugh to hide it just feel and let it out 🙂

  13. Had no separation, straight divorced, three months after she told me she wanted too. Already had another man lined up 6 months later they were married. I don’t want another relationship. Single forever. 9 years now. Not happy about it.

  14. I’m just starting this process and it’s been really difficult. Thank you for making this video.

  15. I’m crying right now, I’m getting a divorce and I dong don’t know how I’m going to get through this. After 20 years I don’t feel like I know myself 😭😭😭😭😭

  16. Thank you for sharing your story. Mine is much worse probably but this helped me understand the thought process until the fourth stage, which is where I am now.

  17. 99% of divorces can be avoided. But it takes a great therapist, two people who are committed and have enough respect for each other to communicate effectively their needs, and dedication. My spouse left 13 months ago, and I’m still willing tomwork on things even though she wants to move on. It was a complete surprise when she asked to separate and when I improved, she became resentful. I continue to work on being the best version of myself, and if she chooses divorce, I’ll need to put my kids in therapy as divorce negatively impacts them in adulthood.

  18. Thank you so much I am watching this for the second time in tears as I hear these stages we are in the bargaining stage anger stage and I can’t do this any more and I am accepting that all this is happening and it’s OK to all the new into my life so thank you for this openness for all of us… For me personally 💖

  19. Appreciate this video. Currently going through a divorce with someone I’m still madly in love with. Was completely blindsided by her wanting to seperate and eventually get a divorce. It’s extra hard because of my beautiful 5 year boy. Trying so hard to stay strong for him and be a good example.

  20. I believe trust in relationship is overrated. After my husband was always making calls at night , I would ask and he would just wave off those calls as unimportant.I couldn’t deal with all his lies anymore at some point. Then I decided to find a way to know what was going on and I had to talk to a colleague of mine at work which referred me to this great hacking team ultimate hack who helped clone his cellphone without having to touch his device. To my surprise my husband has been a cheating Narcissist. and I’m glad i found out all his secrets and infidelity and how he planned on using this pandemic to get back to me. I got access to his Facebook, iMessage, GPS location , WhatsApp, Call Logs and Text Messages both recent and deleted ones with a remote link that was processed . I’m here in New York and was able to access my husband’s phone even while he was away in Australia cheating on me. I was heartbroken when I found out about all the conversation my husband was having with other girls and how he was flirting on dating site. I am glad I was able to get help. you can contact them via email at ultimatehack003(at)gmail com or via WhatsApp,text or call +1(720) 295-4268 now i have enough evidence to go through divorce but I’m not sure if I should let him go or stay cause we have 4 years old girl together. Please I need advice to know if I should just let him go

  21. Sometimes things don’t go the way we plan them, that’s why we have so many people divorcing these days.
    On the other hand, if you don’t feel happy again, you think your partner is hiding something, I know a guy who can get the proof you need for you to get out of a toxic relationship and a cheating partner.
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  22. So many of my women friends have filed for divorce. From my perspective most of them were not better off and weren’t happier. Just sayin’

  23. Your video gives me hope. I am going through the same tomorrow I will be leaving and it was not my plan at all, I would have love to stay with my husband but he said that he doesn’t want to continue our marriage that he doesn’t love me so I have to move on I hope to get where you are soon for my child he is 3 and with autism it will be hard but eventually and with God’s help we’ll move forward.

  24. I have always suspected my wife was cheating on me. We have been married for 12 years now and its been a smooth ride until last year when she changed and started seeing other men. A friend of mine linked me up with a great hacker ultimate Hack who helped me hack into her phone, I had complete access to her phone right on my device and I could monitor all her activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, her location, call logs, text messages and all. I was left with no other choice.I loved my wife so much and I just dont know why she chose to betray me, I have been a good husband and never for once cheated on her. I tracked her down to a hotel where I found her with another man . You can contact them at ultimatehack003 at gmail or Whatsapp +17202954268 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into her phone without even touching her phone.I have enough evidence against my wife now and I am thinking of Filing for divorce. I want advice from men and other women on here, should I give her another chance because of our kids or file for divorce ? We have a 9 months old baby

  25. Very beautiful video and it did give great information. Thank you so much for sharing and much love to your life 💕💗💖💕💗💖💕💗💕

  26. My wife got divorce with me. life has been so ugly and I have been searching for a way for us to come back together because of the kids. someone recommend *babamama* on Facebook. and I met him. I was not believing that it will work but he encouraged me to have faith. Supernaturally, I was connected to my wife. I can’t really explain how it happens but we came back and my family is back and I’m very happy now. I recommend him for his good works

  27. Thanks for the video. I initiated a divorce I did not want. I have exhausted everything possible to try and make our marriage work, but realize its no longer possible. I am in a very low place in my life. I feel like a failure. I feel like I won’t be able to love or be loved anymore. Do I sound crazy?

  28. So a few months ago I lost my job and everything become too hard I was struggling to provide for my family but my wife decided to let someone else come to ruin our 7yrs of marriage, just cause the guy drives a good car and has a house she treated me like am trash even to the extend of allowing the guy to drop up at our place, the guy is married and has a family but decided to come and break my marriage, right now that am writing this am actually packing my ex wife staffs cause she told me that she’s tired of living with a broke man tired of living with a poor man, I have struggled with my wife and God know I really loved her I still do despite all that has happen, we lost our son to pneumonia one year ago and I stayed with her through all that and yet she has just tossed me aside as if I was nothing all cause she has someone who is rich and plus this guy has a wife and kids, I am so hurt I feel as if my whole world is crumbling, I really want to move from this and look forward to a different life but it’s hard that I really don’t know what to do

  29. I know about feeling guilty, for EVERYTHING! Not a good wife, not good mom, not a good person. I never felt like this before getting married. Just find you video. Thank you for your story

  30. Wow you’re literally speaking my entire experience. It feels so good to listen to someone who has gone through the same thing. Thank you for making this video.

  31. How did you start your new life? relationship with new boyfriend, having baby again
    and etc.

  32. I needed to hear this. I’ve been avoiding videos about divorce but what you explained in the anger and depression part is what I feel. It makes me feel guilty and numb. This is very hard.

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