This is Why Divorce Recovery for Men is So Hard: Feeling Like A Broken Man After Divorce
Divorce recovery for men is different in part because men are exposed to societal messaging that can often leave you like a broken man after divorce.
Understanding the societal narratives that you’ve internalized throughout your lifetime is essential for effective divorce recovery for men.
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I’m Rachael Sloan. I’m a divorce coach for men. I’m also a Master NLP Practitioner, a certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce, a unique approach to divorce recovery based specifically on the needs of men.
I help my clients move from the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and in the aftermath of divorce to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. In these videos, I intend to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.
There are two general narratives that western society tells us about men. Both are myths, and both have impacts on divorce recovery for men.
The first myth is that a good man is a strong, stoic provider who takes care of his family. He has his shit together, he is stable and grounded, emotionally intelligent and always there if you need him. This man would never fall apart, he is the rock that his wife and children can always count on.
The second myth is that a sexy man is mysterious, confident, aggressive yet loving, passionate and takes charge, is vulnerable yet doesn’t get hurt by a woman’s criticism or anger… basically Dorian Gray from 50 Shades.
These aren’t real men. These aren’t real PEOPLE. Yet most men think they should be this way… which is part of why you might feel like a broken man after divorce!
Here’s the BIG problem with this societal messaging, and the one reason you may feel broken after your divorce:
These stereotypes don’t allow for the one thing that is actually necessary to create the emotional safety and intimacy that makes relationships last – humanity.
In order to be desired, you have to pretend you don’t care when you do, or that you really do care when you don’t.
In order to be loved, you have to pretend you don’t ever feel scared, confused or weak.
How can there be real intimacy, real emotional connection, if you’re not allowed to be honest about your thoughts and feelings?
But understanding the impact of this societal messaging on your thoughts is essential for recovering from divorce and moving on with your life.
My work is focused on divorce recovery for men. And most of the men I see feeling broken after their divorce believe one of two things:
That they failed to be a “good enough” man.
That women are insane and they’ll never be loved because women aren’t capable of love.
The first group struggles with depression and self doubt that stops them from healing and moving forward. They are paralyzed by self doubt.
The second group is so angry they can’t get past the injustices of their divorce. They are paralyzed by victimhood.
In order to break free of paralysis and actually get your life back after divorce, you’ve got to conquer self doubt and victimhood. The first step to doing that is to become aware of where these ideas came from in the first place.
I was able to get back my ex love with the help of a great spell caster Dr Ozuka and now we live happy together…Contact him on YouTube for help
Men don’t “journal”
It’s so great to hear a woman who understands how hard it is for a man to keep a woman happy. It is almost impossible.
Thing is there is no reason to get married again after divorce especially if your a male !!!!! Especially if you were zeroed out Learn your lesson from it and realize it’s an illusion your told as a kid and teenager and a young adult .move on from it do self development for your self hobbies gym life nutrition financial passion build your life again love is a chemical reaction in the brain and it will blind you !!!!!!!it’s a natural drug the odds are not stacked in your favor
Don’t get zeroed out again look at the men around you ask them there story
ESPECIALLY the homeless ones you see buy them a coffee in trade of there life lesson put the puzzle together ask the men you know who has been married 3 times looking for a 4th think about your retirement we’re your at do the math do you really want to rebuild 3 times and be left with just yourself on the side of the street exchanging your story for a cup of coffee to a young man going threw a divorce!!!! break the cycle
Yours truly
Houseless Adam
Living out of a car and storage shed now and working full time ✌️🧘🏼♂️
Going threw a divorce now
Coffee on me brother
I understand what she’s saying but at the same time I find it hard to take advice on relationships from women. Women just want you to "get it" be that alpha guy who just gets it. This is why so many relationships fail because of a lack of "communication" which ultimately leads men to the red pill. Men, take the red pill. Internalize it.
I may just be too bought into it from my life experience, but seems like these are not myths. Dating apps favor the sexy types as all you have to go on is photos. And the guy my wife left me for was a physically stronger guy. I know there plenty of reasons I became unattractive to my wife. But it fits these “myths” more than I want to admit. I hope I’m not making your point perfectly of how strongly we believe these things, haha.
I hope you are watching the Johnny Depp trial.
Men, NEVER get married!
Problem now without her is I don’t know who I am. I have only known 1 thing most of my adult life and that was provide for her and our kids and then when they left, me and her. Now, there will soon be no her..so who am I?
Thank you for the advice. I have been completely destroyed by divorce and I am desperately trying to survive.
I am going through the post Divorce depression.
I was angry, not broken. With exceptions, of course, to hell with today’s women. Besides, solitude is necessary to do the things I need/want to do and having a female in my space would be nothing but an irritating distraction, unless I decide to have company. The autonomous lifetyle is best. Period.
ok, good video. I understand what you mean. But the pressure is not societal. The pressure is how one is taught in their family of origin to be a husband or wife, or a divorced man or woman. Those are the real pressures, and those pressures mean you live up to your code of ethics and morals, or you don’t. If your family is not the kind that approves of divorce, getting a divorce is a failure, whether you like it or not. Can such a man forgive himself for the failure of his marriage? Yes, they can, lots of men and women have given their blood, sweat, tears, and bones to marriage and still ended up divorced. But this is where "societal messaging" rushes in and tells divorcing couples "everyone is entitled to be happy. If your marriage isn’t working, just throw it away, you’ll be sad for a little while, but you’ll get over that, you just have to reframe your failure as a success for you to live your best life."
There is a meme out there that says "no guys, she was never yours. It was just your turn." That’s not my belief system. Not yet anyway.
My wife had no male role model growing up so she projected her ideal of what a man should be based on rom coms and K-dramas. These impossible standards drove me into depression that brought about the breakdown of our marriage.
I ONLY CARE ABOUT MY TWIN GIRLS!!! MY TRUE LOVES…BRAINWASHING NOW CASUED THEM TO NOT SPEAK TO ME ANYMORE..AND I FOUGHT 2 YRS IN COURT AND 200K FOR JT CUSTODY;;;SHE IGNORED THE AGREEMENT….NOW IM FULLY BROKEN – SOUL AND HEART!@!!!
Is NLP the acronym for Neuro-linguistic practitioner?
Wow! I mean wow…. Thank you Rachael for a real deep and meaningful talk. I am 10 years divorced after 22 years married with two children. I was broken for two years, hoping that my ‘absence’ through work, hadn’t caused her to have an affair (with my next door neighbour)It took that long for me to find the truth😔 Her inheritance (of 2milion) a year before our split wouldn’t have helped! I am obviously still hurting and this has a lot do do with the new lavish lifestyle she is leading. Whilst I am back to hand-to-mouth living. I am with my soulmate and feel bad about these thoughts of being jilted, financially ruined and forced to view her wealth through my children (paying for cars, deposits on houses, ski holidays etc… Those two exercises will become a regular part of my day to day reference. Thank you so much🙏
My ex wife genuinely believed in mind reading.
Hence she is now an ex, i never said i could and asked for open communication the whole 14 years.
I was married 23 years, really planned on spending my life with her
I am one year out of marriage
Sometimes I am ok sometimes I feel broken. I just want to be normal again. Not sure if I will ever date again.